Monkey's Dad's definitions

Naybe

Nay, disguised as Maybe, used when you mean "absolutely not" and don't have the courage to say it.

I told him naybe when he asked me out. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but how much clearer can I make it?

by Monkey's Dad January 7, 2020

incringement

Violating the boundaries of another person in a way that make both parties intensely uncomfortable.

Her questions, on their first date, about the most intimate details of his personal history, all the women in his past, why he was single, his income, prospects for advancement and whether he had any communicable diseases, constituted an extreme incringement of his dignity.

by Monkey's Dad March 4, 2025

Gender Reveal

An unsolicited photo of a person's genitalia. The politically correct term for what was long known as "indecent exposure", borrowed from the whole baby-coming-out-party idiocy.

She was neither shocked nor offended by Jared's sending her a dick pic an hour after their first date, as if he was unsure whether he was actually a man. She was fairly certain he was, and was not in need of the gender reveal.

by Monkey's Dad June 14, 2021

pins and noodles

A state of being highly agitated, yet feeling limp and boneless, anticipating a momentous event.

Sitting in the front row at the Oscars, watching as the envelope was slowly opened, waiting to hear her name called for Best Actress, she was on pins and noodles, wondering if she'd be able to walk to the stage or whether her legs would turn to spaghetti.

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020

Coronundrum

A pandemic with no clear solution.

As the months wore on, all hopeful answers leading to dead ends, coronavirus threatened to become an incurable coronundrum.

by Monkey's Dad April 26, 2020

one day at a time

The comforting delusion that time is linear and sequential. A fond and impossible dream for anyone living in a simultemporal state.

Feeling the weight of past, present and future always upon him, he yearned to experience time as most others described their experience, moment by moment, one day at a time.

by Monkey's Dad May 15, 2020

Bill Gatesgate

The paranoid, extreme right-wing conspiracy theory that Bill Gates planned to use a COVID-19 pandemic to take control of the global health system.

He was convinced that this amounted to Bill Gatesgate, yup, Billionaire Gates had spent years conspiring with Obama, and Hillary! to make money off the whole damn thing, which wasn't real anyway.

by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020