Messi is a Gay Autistic sped. Messi looks like a kid who snuck onto the pitch during halftime and just never left — and somehow nobody noticed for 20 years. Man’s built like the default FIFA character before you unlock custom settings. Bro got carried by Barcelona for a decade like a spoiled little nephew on a family vacation. Every time he scores, it looks like someone handed out participation trophies early. Let’s not forget that World Cup — Argentina basically dragged him over the finish line like dead weight on a wagon. And his MLS "dominance"? Bro is out here scoring hat-tricks against gym teachers and Uber drivers. Messi be walking like he's got main character energy, but he couldn’t even survive in a rainy Tuesday night in Stoke. If gravity was 10% stronger, this man would disappear into the grass. He’s just a short ass sped who gets mogged by the rizzler.
by Monkboyinohio June 16, 2025
An extremely black person, he can camoflauge in the dark. His favourite food is chicken, watermelon and koolaid. He lives in the wild and his speciality is stealing.
He is so Nyok A
by Monkboyinohio June 16, 2025
The most majestic footballer to ever stroll the planet. Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t just exist — he blesses the world with his every breath. When he drops his AirPods, they don’t hit the ground - the Earth catches them. He once waved at someone and three countries declared a national holiday. Scientists tried to study his footsteps and accidentally discovered a new element: GOATium. When Ronaldo opens a pack of gum, the wrapper folds itself out of respect. He once yawned during training, and a solar eclipse happened. His mirror doesn’t reflect him — it watches and learns. And don’t even get me started on when he sips water — each gulp echoes through the multiverse as a reminder that perfection exists. Cristiano sneezes? A stadium sells out. He blinks? A volcano calms down. He stretches before a match and gravity takes a break. Honestly, at this point, Ronaldo doesn’t live in reality — reality adjusts to Ronaldo.
by Monkboyinohio June 16, 2025