Mjolnir12982's definitions

Hotdog Dream

When you have a dream that you are a big, plump, steamy, juicy hotdog, so big and plump that the bun will not close around you. Then you realize that ketchup is sliding out the end of the bun, and then you wake up incarcerated, and your cellmate's chin is resting on your shoulder while he's fucking you up the asshole...

Hey, in prison such choices aren't always yours to make.

Jim got himself locked up and had the hotdog Dream. Now he can't shit without it looking like a Swiss cake roll.

by Mjolnir12982 September 4, 2016

verbal blitzkrieg

Derived from the term Blitzkrieg, or lightning war in German, to verbally Blitzkrieg somebody is to attack them in in machine-gun repetition who is the most brutal insults you can muster at any given point in time, not pausing to take a breath, or allow your opponent a word edgewise. The name is of course derived from the strategy of shock Warfare tactics utilized by the Nazis in World War II period however no one actually dies during a verbal Blitzkrieg, but the goal is to make the other person wish they were dead.

Guy 1: (tells boring bullshit story,)
Guy 2: you know that story actually reminds me of the last time I was fucking your mother? I was one of the first guys in line so she hadn't been used up yet, anywho... I decided at that point to go ass to pussy, and I remember thinking to myself distinctly that her pussy was so fucking tight, no fucking way of baby came out of there no fucking way, you're adopted dude. Then her sibilance, would you tasted like hot dog water by the way, spattered me about the face so I reach back the fucking Florida and pimp slap that bitch in the middle of Nebraska just like the Avenue where I picked her up for the gangbang for a crack rock and hit a crystal meth in 20 bucks. And after that I told her how much I just wish that she had either swallowed you or made like you were her car keys locked inside of her Sentra and pulled you out with a coat hanger.
Guy 1: okay enough with the verbal Blitzkrieg, I'll stop telling the fucking story.

by Mjolnir12982 June 13, 2017

Awful Falafel

This is a deviant sexual maneuver that requires two people, a chair, and a pickle at least 7 inches in length. Person A positions the chair so that the back is flat against the floor, then proceeds to sit in it and masturbate rigorously. Person B inserts the pickle into their own rectum, then squats over person A's face and urinates in their mouth comma otherwise known as the Chickpee. Then, person B remove the pickle from their own rectum and inserted into person A's asshole, while A, still masturbating furiously, does their best impression of Terri Schiavo/Christopher Reeves/ Stephen Hawking, completing the second part of the process known as pickling the vegetable. Finally, just as person A is about to climax, B violently rips the pickle from the other person's ass comma throws it directly into their face causing a broken nose, screams Allahu Akbar infidel, and leaves to go Crusade the Holy Land.

Randy - dude what the fuck happened to your nose?
Darwin - Vegeta gave me an awful falafel last night, I knew that Sandy turban-wearing cameltoe bitch was fucking dirty but I didn't know she was that dirty! I hope president Trump bombs whatever third world shitbox her and her family are from!!!
Randy - give him time

by Mjolnir12982 April 17, 2017

Deadleg shit shuffle

The act of quickly making one's way to the toilet with one or both legs completely locked at all joints in an effort to compress the rectum/anus, and avoid dropping a mondo shit in one's pants (see chocolate shotgun, shart, or shitney spears). Most frequently occurs within 15 mins of eating a hot pocket, or Chipotle.

I told Linda that chorizo looked suspect! Now we can trace her deadleg shit shuffle by following the brown trail!

by Mjolnir12982 August 18, 2016

Bronc-Anus

The feeling one gets when their asshole is stretched to excess by what is passing through it, either on the way out, or the way in. Characterized by a change in the walking motion of the sufferer, constant digging or checking in the ass, or if seated on a park bench or open car trunk, the actual anus hanging out

CANDY: You ok, Cindy? You look like you're in pain...
CINDY: I ate a lot of popcorn when we saw CLASH OF THE TITANS and got constipated, so I just unleashed the Kraken and now I have a bronc-anus...

DAMON: Mike, stop sitting on the trunk latch of your car. Your Bronc-Anus is hanging out. You have a lot of buttsex or something?
MIKE: In prison such decisions aren't always yours to make...

by Mjolnir12982 April 18, 2010