Merchant's definitions

Hell

Being in a school in which one has to listen to paranoid liberal and communist as well as occasionally democrat ramblings about how the Masons control the world and that all conservatives are really a race of Martians bent on taking away our right to buy pre-paid phone cards. When in reality all liberal/socialist teachers are in fact a race known only as the assgoblins.

"Oh god... Don't make me go to hell! No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Just then a nuclear ICBM hits Hell and explodes destroying the liberal assgoblins inside and freeing the world so us Martians can finally take away your pre-paid phone cards.

by Merchant September 1, 2005

Zeta Reticuli I and II

Zeta Reticuli I and II form a star system which is supposedly the home to Zeta Reticulins, a race of aliens commonly referred to as the Greys. This system was first mapped out by Betty and Barney Hill after an abduction and thought to be fake but was discovered by astronomers as real in 1967. This star system is key evidence as proof of alien existance.

"I have come from what you know as Zeta Reticuli I and II..." said the short, gray-skinned alien as Johnny examined it's large black eyes

by Merchant July 9, 2006

Cap

To shoot someone in the head. To be capped is to be shot in the head.

"He turned around and fired his Smith and Wesson M-76 submachine gun from the hip, capping the ski-masked criminal with several rounds of 9mm Parabellum and causing his head to blast apart like a fleshy can of cherry soda."

by Merchant August 30, 2005