12 definitions by Matt |2

Grade School Kid 1: I have an astronomy quiz tomorrow, but I don't know the planets in order!
Grade School Kid 2: Dude, it's just My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nougat. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune!
Grade School Kid 1: What happened to Pluto?
Grade School Kid 2: Psh, Pluto is so pre-August 2006.

Man 1: Dude, are you hungry?
Man 2: I'm starved -- and it's only the second inning
Man 1: I'm gonna go get a hot dog
Man 2: But the line's really long now
Man 1: Dude, if I don't go now, I'll be in that barbequeue FOREVER
Man 2: Good point. Here's $50. Get me a Coke, garlic fries and some seeds while you're at it
Man 1: Fine, but I'm keeping the change

Man 1: Dude, what happened to your head?
Man 2: For April Fools' Day, my jackass roommate got me a Demolition Derby

Man 1: Hey it's November or December or January!
Man 2: You know what that means...
Man 1: Hanukkah, of course!
Man 2: Have you had latkes this year?
Man 1: My mother-in-law made some.
Man 2: And?
Man 1: They were shvach.
Man 2: That's too bad. You want some sufganiot?
Man 1: No. Those are too fattening.

Alan: So, are you doing anything with her tonight?
Matt: Mebeh
Alan: I idolize you -- why won't you tell me?
Matt: I don't have to reveal ALL my secrets.

Husband: Why are these credit card bills so high?!
Wife: I dunno...
Husband: I thought you quit doing Shopahol!
Wife: (sobs) I... I'm still a shopaholic.

Girl 1: Hussein's lookin' sharp today!
Girl 2: Maybe it's because of his Saddam necktie...
Girl 1: Saddam! You could hang with us any time!