The new mnemonic for memorizing the planets in our solar system in order away from the sun. Until recently, the mnemonic was My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies, but since Pluto was eliminated from the list, "pies" no longer fits.
Grade School Kid 1: I have an astronomy quiz tomorrow, but I don't know the planets in order!
Grade School Kid 2: Dude, it's just My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nougat. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune!
Grade School Kid 1: What happened to Pluto?
Grade School Kid 2: Psh, Pluto is so pre-August 2006.
The line by the hotdog or hamburger stand. Mutt of barbecue
Man 1: Dude, are you hungry?
Man 2: I'm starved -- and it's only the second inning
Man 1: I'm gonna go get a hot dog
Man 2: But the line's really long now
Man 1: Dude, if I don't go now, I'll be in that barbequeue FOREVER
Man 2: Good point. Here's $50. Get me a Coke, garlic fries and some seeds while you're at it
Man 1: Fine, but I'm keeping the change
A hat that looks normal, but causes severe head trauma
Man 1: Dude, what happened to your head?
Man 2: For April Fools' Day, my jackass
roommate got me a Demolition Derby
lacking, underwhelming, disappointing
(originally from Yiddish)
Man 1: Hey it's November or December or January!
Man 2: You know what that means...
Man 1: Hanukkah, of course!
Man 2: Have you had latkes this year?
Man 1: My mother-in-law made some.
Man 2: And?
Man 1: They were shvach
Man 2: That's too bad. You want some sufganiot?
Man 1: No. Those are too fattening.
A pronunciation of maybe
which infers mystery, possibly relating to sex.
Alan: So, are you doing anything with her tonight?
Alan: I idolize you -- why won't you tell me?
Matt: I don't have to reveal ALL my secrets.
n. What shopaholics are addicted to
Husband: Why are these credit card bills so high?!
Wife: I dunno...
Husband: I thought you quit doing Shopahol!
Wife: (sobs) I... I'm still a shopaholic.