Definitions by Lecherous Cretin

Touchnutsy 

A derogatory nonliterary epithet peculiar to Sandy Creek and Lacona, NY, and the surrounding environs. Used to refer to someone who is not paying attention to the situation at hand.

Coined by the Mountain Man.

Ol' Abner (sitting at stoplight when it turns green): "Mmmmm...wonder if I should change my fishnet boxer shorts this week..."

Angry driver (sitting in car behind him): "YEEEAAARRRGHHH!!! IT'S THE PEDAL ON THE RIGHT, TOUCHNUTSY!!!"

Touchnutsy by Lecherous Cretin October 3, 2018

pushy in the pokey 

Playing a nice game of prison sex. After you turn yourself around.

And THAT'S what it's all about.

Inmate Andy Rooney's corpse: "Guard Trump got an itch after lights out last night and raped me like a klingon

with his nightstick!"

Inmate Dick Cheney: "Nothing like the warm embrace of a little pushy in the pokey after evening crumpets."

pushy in the pokey by Lecherous Cretin October 2, 2018

cellbar gripper 

the unfortunate victim of some vigorous prison buttslam

Guard: That new fish in block C is a real cellbar gripper.

Warden: Yeah, I had to send him to the infirmatory for some removable dentures because he clenched his teeth so hard.

Guard: His cellmate will love that

cellbar gripper by Lecherous Cretin July 5, 2012

burd turglar 

a cooler way of saying turd burglar.

One who turgles burds.

what are ya doin today, burd turglar?
Burd turglar: nuthin

owner: my dog raided the cat box again last night. His breath smells pretty funky.

roommate: yeah, he's turned into a regular burd turglar.

burd turglar by Lecherous Cretin October 17, 2011