James Jessenfedden's definitions

Porny Express

Home delivery of smut delivered on horseback.

Just had the Porny Express deliver the latest issue of Latin Inches.

by James Jessenfedden June 16, 2022

Ecstatic Consent Van

Alternative to rape van.

I went to pick up my date at her parents house. They were reassured when they saw I was driving an ecstatic consent van. They knew their daughter was going out with a respectable guy.

by James Jessenfedden May 16, 2022

Mayonaissesplain

When your boyfriend tells you the proper amount of mayonnaise to put on a sandwich or in a salad.

Babe, this tuna salad needs at least three tablespoons of mayo in it.

Fuck off! Don’t mayonaissesplain.

by James Jessenfedden March 21, 2021

Brown eye of a shitstorm

The brief calm one feels between episodes of personal chaos.

Found out yesterday my mistress is pregnant. My wife will probably find out tomorrow on Facebook. So today I’m just gonna get drunk and try to take advantage of the brown eye of a shitstorm.

by James Jessenfedden October 23, 2020

vagmere

Ultra soft pubic hair on a lady.

When she wrapped her legs around my head it was like a vagmere scarf on my face.

by James Jessenfedden October 12, 2020

Vagmere

Really soft pubic hair on a lady

When she wrapped her legs around my neck it felt like a vagmere sweater on my face.

by James Jessenfedden October 3, 2020