To open up a can of whoop ass on someone, decapitate them, then cut them into eight pieces of white and dark meat: two breasts, two wings (arms), two thighs, and two legs. The beating continues by coating the person's pieces with seven secret herbs and spices and frying them to an extra, extra crispy texture. The beating concludes by kicking the sizzling, stinking pieces into a six-month old bucket of chicken that's crawling with ants and sharing video of the beating on social media.
You fool, I'm gonna beat you into a bucket of chicken!
by IGKYA53 October 05, 2021
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beat you senseless

To beat some slime punk so that they ain't got no notion of what's going on and they are just left left laying there doing nothing!!!
Quit being stupid fool, or I'm gonna beat you senseless!!!
by IGKYA53 December 01, 2013
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half dead

What you and yo mamma are gonna be after I open up a can of whoopass on ya!
You fool! I'm gonna whup you and yo mamma half dead!
by IGKYA53 December 09, 2024
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To beat someone so bad that their ass becomes a jiggling mass of gel hanging off their spine, allowing you to rip it off and place it in their hands as they collapse into a heap of excruciating pain. After the beaten person finishes convulsing, you place their severed posterior next to their lips so that it looks like they are kissing their own ass while posting hilarious videos to social media.
You disrespect me and I'll rip off your ass and hand it to you!!!
by IGKYA53 October 02, 2020
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Masturbate Theater

A TV show that losers watch to beat off to low-cut Victorian corsets and fade-out sex scenes on PBS Masterpiece, formerly known as Masterpiece Theater.
Derek: Are coming down to the bar Sunday night?

Alistair: Nah, I’m gonna lay back and unzip for Jane Austen on Masturbate Theater.
by IGKYA53 July 29, 2020
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beat you to a pulp

To beat someone so bad that they completely lose control of their body; causing their brains to run out of their head, the snot to run out of their nose, the piss to run out of their penis, and the shit to run out of their ass. The beating culminates as the person withers into a pulp and their pants fall down into a disgusting spew of brains, snot, piss, and shit. The beating concludes by certifying the person as a complete personal failure by uploading humiliating photos and videos of them to social media.
I’m gonna come over there and beat you to a pulp!
by IGKYA53 January 25, 2021
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Kick your butt to Timbuktu

To open up a can of whup ass on someone and kick their ass so hard that their carcass gets carried across the ocean by the trade winds before landing with a sickening thud in the main town square in Timbuktu. The person spits open and the withers into a pulp as their pants fall down into a disgusting spew of their brains, snot, piss, and shit. The locals celebrate by uploading humiliating photos and videos of the person to social media followed by feeding their entrails to hyenas for good fortune.
I’m gonna kick your butt to Timbuktu!
by IGKYA53 March 08, 2021
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