Definitions by El conquistador
tonsil butter
A large load of jizm delivered to the back of ones throat, covering the uvula and tonsils in warm, thick, well churned sperm milk. Not to be confused with the low fat version, I Can’t Believe it’s not Tonsil Butter.
Stuck at work late at night, Cody and Ryan needed a quick snack. All they had in the fridge, of course, was some cheap canned biscuits and eleven jars of grape jelly. Cody started to cry as his hunger pains told him that would not be enough to satisfy him. Ryan wanted to help his friend, so he offered to whip up a fresh batch of tonsil butter for Cody. He gladly accepted Ryan’s generous offering of tonsil butter with enthusiasm. Cody was so moved he was speechless. With a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, he gave Ryan a big bear hug. Of course Ryan, always the giver, didn’t know who was more satisfied; Cody for the receiving or himself the giving.
tonsil butter by El Conquistador February 20, 2020
ass trumped
Wrecking your boyfriend’s shit socket with your unusually small hands after painting yourself orange and donning a cheap blonde wig.
Ryan wanted to do something special for Robbie’s birthday. They had already tried most other deviant sexual variations and were, quite frankly, bored with the normal pee pee touching and butt stuff. Ryan decided to combine two things that Robbie loves most...Trump and manual anal stimulation. Robbie was well experienced butt had never been Ass Trumped before. He screamed “best birthday ever!”
ass trumped by El Conquistador December 19, 2019
tooth nut
No more expensive teeth whitening treatments since we discovered the tooth nut. Come on babe, show us your pearly whites!
tooth nut by El Conquistador May 15, 2019
uber shit
When you wait so long for your Uber that you shit your pants. There are two kinds of Uber shitters...those that will still get in the car with their shitty pants and that those that refuse to get in, out of respect for the upholstery.
After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.
uber shit by El Conquistador January 29, 2019
German smear
A German smear is made by dipping two fingers in shit, doesn’t matter whose it is, then giving yourself a Hitler mustache with it. Now grab your lover and plant a big sloppy kiss.
Ryan would do anything for Cody, so when Cody asked to try the German smear, Ryan pooped his right there. #truelove
German smear by El Conquistador May 19, 2018
West Virginia flap jack
West Virginia flap jack by El Conquistador July 15, 2017
Kansas City hot pocket
Kansas City hot pocket by El Conquistador July 12, 2017