18 definitions by El conquistador

After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.

The West Virginia flap jack Brian got was just an appetizer for the gay feast that followed.

Stuck at work late at night, Cody and Ryan needed a quick snack. All they had in the fridge, of course, was some cheap canned biscuits and eleven jars of grape jelly. Cody started to cry as his hunger pains told him that would not be enough to satisfy him. Ryan wanted to help his friend, so he offered to whip up a fresh batch of tonsil butter for Cody. He gladly accepted Ryan’s generous offering of tonsil butter with enthusiasm. Cody was so moved he was speechless. With a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat, he gave Ryan a big bear hug. Of course Ryan, always the giver, didn’t know who was more satisfied; Cody for the receiving or himself the giving.

No more expensive teeth whitening treatments since we discovered the tooth nut. Come on babe, show us your pearly whites!