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Definitions by Distractor in Chief

A really cool guy with nice guitar skills and a weird aversion to pineapple pizza. Loyal to his friends, funny, and snarky in just the right doses.
Girl: Look at that hot guy!

Other girl: Yeah I know him (*major flex moment*) That’s Zephan. He says someone got impaled on a statue and clearly knows how to dance, he’s so cultured

Girl: Bro what a fuckin legend

Other girl: Damn right
Zephan by Distractor in Chief October 7, 2021
I quote directly:

“His voice is weird and he’s always like
All of these other believably flaw (Ed) people are FUCKING BITCHES”
I hate Chaos soooo much

Stupid cosmic fuckwit.
Chaos by Distractor in Chief March 30, 2021

Weezer Stan 

Commonly misinterpreted as awful virgin nerds with no style or taste.

In reality, they are stylish, albeit virgins, with excellent taste, social lives, and unique senses of humor.
Ew, you’re a Weezer Stan?

Damn right I’m a Weezer Stan!

Or

I converted a girl to Weezer Stan nation

Bro cousin: You’re dating

Guy: no but she mixed up Green Day with Slash
Bro cousin: Run the fuck away

Get more sleep 

What a very modest boy should do.
Friend: How are you? (cares, actually)
Friend: good just tired (for whateverty-seventh and a hundred time)
Friend: Get more sleep dude it’s like the characters in Darkest Dungeon. Take care of yourself

Friend: No

*muffled cursing, yeeting of persons into better habits*

Wet Water 

A phrase commonly used by two friends to refer to stating the obvious. This often occurs when they’ve discussed intensely personal matters over text but haven’t said shit to each other in person apart from x equalling 13.
Or just a genuine genius observation.
Gamer Girl:*stares*

Genius Boy: *stares*
*more staring*

Gamer boy: Water is wet! Wet water

*basks in glory*

connor is a child 

Hypothesis: Connor is a child.

(Children laugh at immature jokes. A Connor laughs at immature jokes. They watch shows for children, as does he. Ergo, child. They both hate coffee. So either all children are Connor or Connor is a child. As not all children are Connor, the only possible result:

Conclusion: Child
Connor made a suggestive reference! Fear not, Connor is a child

Or

Anime girl: hellpp mee reach the shelf

Vampire queen: He won’t, Connor is a child. Excuse us but Springsteen awaits bye
A predicted relationship that may or may not occur. Commonly recognized as the union of a Cliff and an Ella.
Ew I don’t ship Clella.

No, Clella is destiny.
Clella by Distractor in Chief December 31, 2020