Carl Willis's definitions

special

adj. Euphemism for having a disability, esp. a behavioral or mental disability; low-functioning mental retardation in particular. Synonyms: different, feeble-minded, retarded.

1. Williams earned her M.Ed. at OSU, where she specialized in Special Education.

2. "Contenstants in all Special Olympics events must pass the mandatory drug test and must flunk the Wechsler standard IQ test."

3. "Look at all those Special Needs Children on that short bus, Billy. If you can't learn your alphabet, they'll hold you back. And if they hold you back, you'll be riding that short bus with all those very very special children next year! How would you like that!?"

by Carl Willis February 2, 2004

snake eyes

n. (1. Non-urban) A roll of two dice in which both show 1.

(2. Urban) The number 1.1, esp. an academic GPA of 1.1

Yolanda: 'Sup Dashante, how's yo midterms lookin'?

Dashante: Not too good, baby. I'm rollin' snake eyes!

by Carl Willis January 27, 2004

mtvu

(Proper noun / registered trademark) Music TeleVision for Universities. Insufferable pop trash and advertisement network that relentlessly targets the college student audience. MTVU especially tries to cultivate a loyal following from the Spring-Break Party Animals and Trendy Airheads, both of whom comprise the vast majority of the college demographic these days. The whole point of MTVU is to make money, of course. By negotiating contracts to have their inane audiovisual sewage piped into college cafeterias and similar public places on campus, MTVU hopes to brainwash its captive audience into a bunch of pop-culture-crazed, money-spending zombies.

Please see a mental health professional if you are regularly exposed to MTVU at school.

After a year of exposure to MTVU, Derek gave up studying, threw away his bluegrass records and replaced them with 50 Cent, went on a month-long drunken spring break in Cancun, became a bitch for Abercrombie, started dating promiscuous airheaded cheerleaders, bought a Hummer with his parents' money, and entered the wasted brotherhood of Sigma Upsilon Kappa. In short...they won his soul.

by Carl Willis November 9, 2004

shamrocked

Adj. Fucked; hosed; screwed. To have been dealt a low blow by someone. To be "shamrocked" is to be in very dire circumstances indeed, cf. shamrock.

(Origin: Shamrock Towing, a highly unethical company operating in the vicinity of Columbus, Ohio)

Dave talked trash to the wrong folks, and now his ass is shamrocked.

If you haven't dropped Differential Equations by the May 1 deadline, and you've flunked all the exams...all I can say is, "you're shamrocked, big fella!"

Twamley was feeling mighty shamrocked after he had to pay the towing company $45 for an illegal half-drop.

by Carl Willis April 27, 2004

jack in the box

n. West-coast fast food chain. Your one-stop shop for E. coli and salmonella.

I ate at Jack In The Box for lunch, and an hour later, the highly caustic diarrhea had already melted my colon.

by Carl Willis July 23, 2006

liebercrat

n. (fr. Joe Lieberman + Democrat) A closeted Republican; A neoconservative wingnut parading as a member of the Democratic Party because of political expediency. Someone who has checked all reason and responsibility at the Senate door.

Republicans and liebercrats voted last night to drop a nuclear weapon on Iran in order to "send a message" that the pursuit of nuclear weapons there was morally wrong.

by Carl Willis October 8, 2007

pops

n. One's father.

DaLonte, whatup holmes! I saw yo pops be hustlin' crack up on Fifth and Lee, so he musta got his ass paroled or somethin'.

You gonna hafta take dat shit up wif Pops, 'cause girl, I sho-as-hell don't give a damn!

by Carl Willis April 30, 2004