It's not the law of the land, but the law of the sky.
It's not against bird law to shit on your new car.
An academic field created out of thin air and built on a foundation of bullshit. It recruits unsocialized, lesbian undergraduates and teaches them the proper technique for blaming all of their real and imaginary problems on a hypothetical, ancient, patriarchal conspiracy.
Gender Studies should be a fascinating subject but it’s only studied by insane people.
When you make a delivery order for Chinese food
and then you tell your man to fuck you. So he does, in the ass, on the living-room coffee table. Just as he’s balls-deep, the Uber Eats
guy knocks on the door.
But it swings wide open (as if you left it ajar on purpose). Now he’s 7-feet away from you just staring. Slowly, he steps forward and asks with a real sexy voice:
Somebody order THIS DICK?!
Ordering Chinese later if you want some!
Someone who fakes polio until there's something better to do.
Also, a character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who was bed-ridden until his grandson won a trip to a slave-run chocolate underworld.
My girlfriend is a Grandpa Joe because she plays sick whenever I want to have sex.
A justification to yourself for a bad decision.
I want to get blackout on a Tuesday but I'll need a reason first. . .
Capitalism for “I love you.”
Thanks for the money, grandma. I love you too.
(Adjective) Usually caused by drug use, it’s when you’re not sleepwalking but not fully awake either. You’re awake, but you’re acting as if you had no agency and things only happen to you. But also you’re not like a zombie.
You’re just ZONKED