Definitions by Baller-Ass Nigga

sextorney

Legal counsel in a court of sex. Coined by Homer Simpson in Miranda-based pre-sex talk with Marge.

"You have the right to remain sexy. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of sex. You have the right to the presence of a sextorney..."
-Homer Simpson

sextorney by Baller-Ass Nigga September 16, 2004

mushroom-shaped welt 

A mark left on someone's flesh resulting from being slapped by a penis. The impact of thebulbous glans penis and narrower shaft leaves a mark with a shape much like that of the fruiting body of a mushroom.

Your mother wasn't very careful with her teeth when she was sucking my wang, so I pulled my dong out of her mouth and beat her on the face with it, leaving several mushroom-shaped welts that developed into bruises that were clearly visible when she picked you up from school later that day.

mushroom-shaped welt by Baller-Ass Nigga June 17, 2004

alpine 

A car stereo made by Alpine. Considered to be the highest-quality around by the same kinds of people who think watermellon and fried chicken is gourmet cuisine.

Then I let the Alpine play/
I was pumpin' new shit by NWA.
-Easy-E, "Boyz in the Hood"

alpine by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

lightsaber 

Weapon used by a civilization so advanced that it colonized space, but so primitive that it couldn't figure out that a small-calibre handgun works a million times better.

lightsaber by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

teenage mutant ninja turtles 

Heroes in a half-shell. Turtle power!

teenage mutant ninja turtles by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

national review 

America's Premier Conservative Magazine, which Stands Athwart History, Shouting "Stop!"

national review by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003

craftmatic adjustable bed 

Device used to facilitate autofellatio

craftmatic adjustable bed by Baller-Ass Nigga July 9, 2003