hetero gay enthusiast

A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.
Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
by Anonymous submissions January 21, 2024
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Masturbaywatch

To watch the American lifeguard-inspired drama 'Baywatch' for the sole aim of masturbation
'So I was having a masturbaywatch to Pamela Anderson last night when, on the vinegar strokes, the camera panned to David Hasselhoff. As I understand, this now means that I must be a raging homosexual. Do you know where I can catch a matinee of 'Mamma Mia' and follow it up with some good old-fashioned sodomy so as to assimilate effectively with my newfound kin?'
by Anonymous submissions December 10, 2016
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Turbo mega cunt fucked

To get so heavily intoxicated that the participant's position on the space time continuum becomes fluid as he/she 'crosses over.'
Often associated with a complete blurring of the lines between life and death, gay and straight, able bodied and paralysed, and continent and not.
'Bro, I definitely won the 'drunkest man in Europe' award last night- I was so turbo mega cunt fucked that I crossed-over and woke up in a chicken coop felching a shop mannequin. The only thing that's going to shift this hangover is a masturbaywatch. Now, want to help me fuck this mannequin?'
by Anonymous submissions December 13, 2016
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Backyard spactard

A full-blown, several-sandwiches-short-of-a-picnic specialist whose mental retardation is so debilitatingly extreme that they are forced to live in the backyard. This living arrangement is usually necessitated by the high risk of poisoning through licking the toxic cleaning products off the windows, should said backyard spactard remain indoors.
Liverpool put in a good showing in the Champion's League Final the other night. If it hadn't been for Karius goalkeeping like a backyard spactard, they might have won the game. I knew he'd be shit the day he signed for the club using his favourite crayon..
by Anonymous submissions July 19, 2018
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hetero gay enthusiast

A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.
Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
by Anonymous submissions March 25, 2024
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masdisturbing

To use a truly disturbing image as wank fodder.
I was at my uncle's funeral yesterday and seeing him there lying cold and expressionless in an open casket brought a tear to my eye. Granted the tear was the end product of some vigorous masdisturbing but that's beside the point. I have to say that it was nice of the Priest to let me finish up before starting the service, although watching him deliver the sermon with my tadpoles still hanging from his gnashers was slightly off-putting.
by Anonymous submissions February 09, 2017
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Epping carnage poo

The official name for the London party borough of Epping, so named because the nightlife there is so wild that even the most reluctant of participants will inevitably lose their shit as the night progresses
'Jesus Christ almighty, what the fuck happened last night? Looks like the Epping carnage poo struck again because I've not only got memory loss but I also appear to have shat the bed. I say shat but it could be Nutella. (sniffs brown stain in question). Nope, it's definitely shit.'
by Anonymous submissions January 07, 2017
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