Definitions by Anonymous submissions
Schwinkle
A disappointingly small penis, generally occupying the awkward middle ground between an actual cock and an unusually confident skin tag. Whilst not necessarily qualifying as a medical micropenis, a schwinkle is sufficiently diminutive that its owner will invariably attempt to compensate through excessive confidence, expensive cars or loudly insisting that “size isn’t everything” whilst simultaneously measuring the fucking thing with a tape measure.
Babs: ‘Mate, I finally got Sharon back to mine last night.’
Big Dog: ‘You lucky bastard. How’d it go?’
Babs: ‘Not great. She saw my schwinkle and asked if I was going to get the rest of it out.’
Big Dog: ‘Fucking hell. How small are we talking?’
Babs: ‘She said it was like being fingered by someone with a coat on.’
Big Dog: ‘Jesus Christ, Babs. Did you at least manage to get it in?’
Babs: ‘No. She said she couldn’t find it.’
Big Dog: ‘With her hands?’
Babs: ‘With Google Maps.’
Big Dog: ‘You lucky bastard. How’d it go?’
Babs: ‘Not great. She saw my schwinkle and asked if I was going to get the rest of it out.’
Big Dog: ‘Fucking hell. How small are we talking?’
Babs: ‘She said it was like being fingered by someone with a coat on.’
Big Dog: ‘Jesus Christ, Babs. Did you at least manage to get it in?’
Babs: ‘No. She said she couldn’t find it.’
Big Dog: ‘With her hands?’
Babs: ‘With Google Maps.’
Schwinkle by Anonymous submissions August 28, 2026
Designer China Vagina
An expensive and often quite painful surgical procedure where the vagina is rotated 90 degrees so as to resemble a Chinese person’s slitty eyes. Functionally this is of no benefit and can often result in several serious health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.
George: ‘Hey beautiful, are you a boy or a girl?’
Thai hooker: ‘As of last week I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina!’
George (popping a viagra and unbuckling furiously): ‘Buckle up..’
Thai hooker: ‘As of last week I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina!’
George (popping a viagra and unbuckling furiously): ‘Buckle up..’
Designer China Vagina by Anonymous submissions April 24, 2025
Designer China Vagina
A surgical procedure where the vagina is rotated 90 degrees so that it resembles a Chinese person’s slitty eyes.
Functionally this is of no benefit and can result in numerous health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.
Functionally this is of no benefit and can result in numerous health complications, but by golly it’s funny to look at.
Babs: ‘Hey beautiful, are you a boy or a girl?’
Thai ladyboy hooker: ‘I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina last week’
Babs (popping a couple of Viagra and unbuttoning frantically): ‘Buckle up..’
Thai ladyboy hooker: ‘I’m a girl- I got a designer China vagina last week’
Babs (popping a couple of Viagra and unbuttoning frantically): ‘Buckle up..’
Designer China Vagina by Anonymous submissions March 3, 2025
hetero gay enthusiast
A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.
Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
hetero gay enthusiast by Anonymous submissions September 12, 2024
hetero gay enthusiast
A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.
Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
hetero gay enthusiast by Anonymous submissions March 25, 2024
Cockoo
When the male phallus inadvertently emergences through the gap in one’s boxer shorts, often unbeknownst to the owner, and hence resembling a cuckoo clock chiming.
Unlike a cuckoo clock however, there is no pleasant sound, just the unwelcome sight of some reprobate’s rancid schwantz.
Unlike a cuckoo clock however, there is no pleasant sound, just the unwelcome sight of some reprobate’s rancid schwantz.
Lawyer 1: ‘so I said rather comically, ‘mens rea’ sounds like the sibling of Dire and Gonnie, and she said..’
Lawyer 2: ‘I’m sorry, Babs but I cannot concentrate because of your cockoo.’
Lawyer 1: ‘My cuckoo? I don’t have a pet cuckoo?’
Lawyer 2: ‘I said ‘cockoo’, Babs, you wankbiscuit. Your tallywhacker is making an appearance about as welcome as Adolf at my bar mitzvah’
Lawyer 2: ‘I’m sorry, Babs but I cannot concentrate because of your cockoo.’
Lawyer 1: ‘My cuckoo? I don’t have a pet cuckoo?’
Lawyer 2: ‘I said ‘cockoo’, Babs, you wankbiscuit. Your tallywhacker is making an appearance about as welcome as Adolf at my bar mitzvah’
Cockoo by Anonymous submissions January 21, 2024
hetero gay enthusiast
A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.
Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’
hetero gay enthusiast by Anonymous submissions January 21, 2024