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Al Benedict's definitions

Yuppie Porn

Television shows or glossy magazines featuring real estate, automobiles, gadgets, boats or furniture of the type preferred by the stereotypical yuppie, even if they are not written or shot with the intention of selling the actual products. A derogatory spin on the stereotype that yuppies receive the same stimulation from material objects that non-yuppies do from sex. Yuppie porno or yuppie pornography can be used.
"Yuppie porn at the New York Times": Title of an article on salon.com about the New York Times' new real estate quarterly.
by Al Benedict November 12, 2006
mugGet the Yuppie Pornmug.

Oneing the two

Attempting to remove stuck poop from a toilet with a well aimed high pressure stream of pee.
Are you Oneing the two in there?

Well, it's not like I have choice. You threw out the brush.

It was gross
by Al Benedict October 7, 2010
mugGet the Oneing the twomug.

winger

Derogatory term for someone politically far to either the right or left. Implies an unwillingness to evaluate issues one at a time.
If there's one thing wingers can unite around, it's their hatred of moderates.

I'm anti rent control, pro gun control, pro abortion and think welfare should be tightened. Something for every winger to hate on.
by Al Benedict July 2, 2024
mugGet the wingermug.

Loud Pipes

The only concession to safety that a motorcycle needs. Time was, you were expected to wear visible clothing and a helmet and drive predictably. Now it's OK to dress completely in black (no helmet) and pop in and out of lanes at will. As long as you have really loud, low pitched, non-directional exhaust noise.

Loud pipes endanger lives.
"Boy, these loud pipes rock. Everybody takes their eyes off the road to figure out where the hell the racket is coming from and get into massive pileups. Then I just drive around the mess."
by Al Benedict June 4, 2013
mugGet the Loud Pipesmug.

implosive

Describes someone who reacts to criticism by becoming quiet and withdrawn. As opposed to explosive, which means that they "explode" into anger.

Usually introverts are implosive and extroverts are explosive, but neither of those are a rule.
Bob: You made a mistake over here.
Bill: (Silence)
Bob: Feeling implosive today, are we?
by Al Benedict June 15, 2011
mugGet the implosivemug.

Hairless Ape

A member of the species Homo Sapiens, esp. when being discussed in a way that only makes sense in an anthropological context. Popularized by Howard the Duck.
You means buying flowers actually made it worse? Damn, Hairless Ape relationships are such a pain.
by Al Benedict October 2, 2008
mugGet the Hairless Apemug.

Ninja Proofing

Setting up your house to ward off long term ninja infestations. It's considered impossible to keep ninjas out entirely. In fact, attempting to do so can attract their attention and just make the problem worse.

1) Coat the walls and ceilings with steel backed teflon. If the steel isn't thick enough, they can still use their claws. Make sure it's at least a 1/4 inch thick.
2) Install random rotating magnets. This makes it difficult to throw shurikens accurately.
3) Set up a DVD of old "Kung Fu" reruns in infinite reply. Warning: This may cause Seppuku incidents, which are really messy. Take my word on it. Spread plastic in front of the TV.

Avoid using pirates. I know it's tempting, but they're worse than ninjas (really loud and smelly and treasure chests are hard to find).
Bob: Where were you last weekend?
Bill: Sorry, spent all day Saturday Ninja Proofing.
by Al Benedict December 3, 2010
mugGet the Ninja Proofingmug.

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