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Ah, yes: The National Toilet Urination Center. Singapore’s centralised and most prized possession, a supermarket.
Follow the adventures of an aunty who attempts—in a fired-up debate so hot you can cook steak until it’s medium rare—to lower the prices of cabbages from Hanoi from $2.99 to $2.37, as well as navigating around an old uncle blocking the stall with the latest issue of every middle aged aunty’s favourite newspaper, the Chinese Lianhe Zaobao!
Don’t miss an all new heated complaining session of a parade of newlywed 31 year old men bombarding the counter 5 cashier with questions like, “Why does $30 spent equal to 1 voucher,” and, “What if I spend $29.95,” and, “Does GST count,” and best of all: “THE SELF-PAYMENT COUNTER BROKE AGAIN!”
Follow the adventures of an aunty who attempts—in a fired-up debate so hot you can cook steak until it’s medium rare—to lower the prices of cabbages from Hanoi from $2.99 to $2.37, as well as navigating around an old uncle blocking the stall with the latest issue of every middle aged aunty’s favourite newspaper, the Chinese Lianhe Zaobao!
Don’t miss an all new heated complaining session of a parade of newlywed 31 year old men bombarding the counter 5 cashier with questions like, “Why does $30 spent equal to 1 voucher,” and, “What if I spend $29.95,” and, “Does GST count,” and best of all: “THE SELF-PAYMENT COUNTER BROKE AGAIN!”
by ACTethx December 15, 2020
Get the NTUC mug.Similar to the word 'Gangbang,' a Gangpang is a situation where two or more lovers make love by forcing out their excrements from last night's dinner of $5.46 hong kong kailan. Very intimate. And very disgusting.
by ACTethx December 15, 2020
Get the Gangpang mug.Someone who doesn’t heed safety protocols in place by the World Health Organisation to battle COVID-19.
Our teacher was called off by our Pro-COVID teacher for wearing a mask at work just after coming back from being sick. What a Covidiot!
by ACTethx March 30, 2020
Get the Pro-COVID mug.A unique variation of the widely known and wildly selfish and batshit crazy female gorilla, also known as the ‘Karen,’ who are known for their characterisations as toilet paper hoarders, or anti-maskers, who pour their blood, sweat, tears, and whatever remnants of their dignity into the advancement of COVID-19, for the hope they envision that they put more people six feet under than six feet away.
NEWS: “Scientists have confirmed the existence of a new human species, separated from the Homo Sapiens, known as the PrOVIDer. From the current information we have, scientists hypothesis that they are a distant chain of humans broken off from the Homo Sapiens sixty thousand years ago. And we also have warning that they are dangerous, so should you approach them, prepare to convert to theism—if you have not—because you will spend the next ten days of your life praying that you never met them. Don’t forget the therapy fees.”
by ACTethx September 29, 2020
Get the PrOVIDer mug.Every Singaporeans' favourite place to shop is at NTUC: The widely-acclaimed National Toilet Urination Center, otherwise known as your local supermarket, defended by the militia of Karens, prepared to coup the store in the event that the prices of Hanoi cabbages be jacked up to $2.99 again, from the current $2.37. (The prices went down after the Treaty of Counter Two, which was the resulting compromise to put a ceasefire to the 53421st NTUC-Karen battle, fought from the eve of Chinese New Year to just after midnight the day after.)
As you attempt to navigate the assimilated colony of the NTUC supermarket, get ready to hold up your palm, rejecting the advances of the aunty who attempts to approach you with samples of new flavours for some Swiss milk no one has heard of. Remember throughout your journey, that for every $30 spent, you get one coupon. Accumulating enough coupons allow you to redeem a fake, knockoff, low-quality frying pan, which can efficiently fry your financial savings.
At the end of your shopping nightmare, get ready to overcome the God-forsaken dilemma of choosing between the self-checkout counter-where you are more than likely to have your counter shut down in the middle of packaging your items, only to be saved by the almighty card in the hands of an NTUC staff-or the cashier counter, where you will be asked if you have a Senior Citizens card (for the elderly, 65 years of age and above) even if you are obviously a teenager (Insult much?)
It is not all fun and games yet, as you will have to treacherously navigate yourself around the old uncle standing in front of the supermarket with the latest issue of Lianhe Zaobao (a local Chinese newspaper).
As you find yourself relieved at the end of such a frightful day, you find yourself having instinctively, yet very precariously tip-toed to avoid all the dirt on the floor. Thank God it is over. You look back at the sign that says, 'NTUC Fairprice,' and you hear yourself muttering, 'Well played. Well played.'
At the end of your shopping nightmare, get ready to overcome the God-forsaken dilemma of choosing between the self-checkout counter-where you are more than likely to have your counter shut down in the middle of packaging your items, only to be saved by the almighty card in the hands of an NTUC staff-or the cashier counter, where you will be asked if you have a Senior Citizens card (for the elderly, 65 years of age and above) even if you are obviously a teenager (Insult much?)
It is not all fun and games yet, as you will have to treacherously navigate yourself around the old uncle standing in front of the supermarket with the latest issue of Lianhe Zaobao (a local Chinese newspaper).
As you find yourself relieved at the end of such a frightful day, you find yourself having instinctively, yet very precariously tip-toed to avoid all the dirt on the floor. Thank God it is over. You look back at the sign that says, 'NTUC Fairprice,' and you hear yourself muttering, 'Well played. Well played.'
by ACTethx December 15, 2020
Get the NTUC Fairprice mug.