wank with the other hand 

1. To purposefully deceive yourself in order to gain or increase satisfaction.

2. To gain or increase satisfaction.

3. To wank with the opposite hand that is normally used thus creating a new sensation in the reaching of climax.

1. Friend1: "I trained myself not to prematurely ejaculate with my girl by picturing your granddad naked before I cum."
Friend2: "Dont tell me how you wank with the other hand."

2. Friend1: "Get me a kebab to eat with this joint."
Friend2: "You're a lazy one but atleast you can wank with the other hand."

3. "I proceeded to wank with the other hand in hope that it felt like someone else was jerking me off."

wank with the other hand by Sir Pink Panther April 27, 2006

Complain on one hand, take a dump in someone's boot on the other hand and see which is more interesting to talk about 

A twist on the saying ,"shit in in one hand and ask with the other and see which one gets filled 1st", targeted at complainers and whiners.

Whiney person: Everything sucks as usual.
Me: Complain on one hand, take a dump in someone's boot on the other hand and see which is more interesting to talk about.
Whiney person: That's the last time I complain to you about my life and also why are my boots in the bathroom?

Complain on one hand, take a dump in someone's boot on the other hand and see which is more interesting to talk about by The Dark Anus (JC) February 26, 2019

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. 

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one gets filled first." When a person wants the impossible.

Joe: We need world peace. Can't we just all get along?
Tom: Well Joe, Wish in one hand, shit in the other.

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. by ebensteben April 27, 2008

wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which 

You can take all of your wishes and wants, dreams, desires, and prayers, and put them all together....they still do not amount to shit.

Dad, I want a pony! Well, you can wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.

wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which by Papa Bubbles November 5, 2017

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of. 

A reply given to someone who wishes for something because a part of their life is unfair, basically stating that life is full of good and bad things. In essence, wishes mean nothing.

This is the earliest version of the saying, with the reference to Germans eating shit coming from American soldiers in WWII.

You know what they say Ted: Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of.

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which hand the German guy eats out of. by Bill Tetley June 19, 2011

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other

Neither of your two options are good. But one is just plain out shitty.

Jimmy: Unemployed David has a job offer for only $5hr.
Billy: Well he’s got nothing in one hand and shit in the other.

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other by Juice delhagen April 28, 2022

Windsor Relaxation Centre began as windsor’s first gentleman’s club. and has remained unlike any other, with a reputation built on the quality of our handpicked Pin-Ups who know how to pamper and tantalize you with the ultimate fantasy experience. 

Windsor Relaxation Centre began as windsor’s first gentleman’s club. and has remained unlike any other, with a reputation built on the quality of our handpicked Pin-Ups who know how to pamper and tantalize you with the ultimate fantasy experience. We double the fun with our welcoming bar staff expertly handling your other senses over two bars, various VIP playrooms (with room service) to ensure the most comfortable conditions on your ideal night out. Windsor Relaxation Centre is Australia’s famous adult entertainment club in Windsor. To benefit our visitors, we also regularlly send out shops' coupons getting discounts to our loyal customers. In our adult service , our preimier adult service venues provide the best sexual services, massage and private girl out call in Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Perth and Brisbane. We are one of Australia’s most preferred adult entertainment club.

Windsor Relaxation Centre began as windsor’s first gentleman’s club. and has remained unlike any other, with a reputation built on the quality of our handpicked Pin-Ups who know how to pamper and tantalize you with the ultimate fantasy experience.

Windsor Relaxation Centre began as windsor’s first gentleman’s club. and has remained unlike any other, with a reputation built on the quality of our handpicked Pin-Ups who know how to pamper and tantalize you with the ultimate fantasy experience. by Windsore Relaxation April 21, 2022