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A person who kills a joke by stating something obvious. Derivative of the scene from Family Guy where Ted Turner says 'Like a bisexual'.
Guy 1: And she called me Brendan!
Guy 2: Haha that's funny!
Guy 3: It's funny, because your name is Brian!
Guy 1 & 2: Thanks Ted.
by TotallyAwesomeIndividual October 04, 2009
extremely awesome, a really cool kid, is definetly not gay, probably has lots of friends, and all the chicks like him
Ted is really pimpalicious
by ted the greatest October 16, 2008
Acronym. Typical Enlisted Dude. A slang term used to classify the junior enlisted portion of the military. A total cliche. Probably only joined the military because they watch too many movies. TEDs can easily be identified by their motivated regulation haircuts, lack of fashion sense, dopey personality, mindless devotion to their particular branch of service, limited vocabulary, and arrogant sense of self worth. They usually serve a some small role in the military, which often involves carrying guns to work. Typical Officer Dudes are obviously TODs
1) Air Wing Marine: Man, what a rough week. We had to send 3 planes overseas.
Grunt: Stupid POG! Why not join the infantry like a real Marine!
Air Wing Marine: Because I got higher than a 30 on the ASVAB, TED

2) Marine 1: Dude, look at the high and tight on that tool.

Marine 2 Hey TED(yelling)!

Marine 1: holy shit he looked. What a tool.
by ThreeFiveTwo June 08, 2010
A term used in and around Liverpool,England.To describe a person as being a ted means that they are behind the times in terms of their fashion sense,musical taste or general outlook on matters.It's a take on the fashion craze Teddy Boys which was popular many years ago.
Sit down Nigel,you ted.
by Andrew Hill June 08, 2004
A giant shit that's been brewing in your bowls all day long.
"I have to go take a giant Ted Teddy."
by Soapbox69 May 13, 2010
Someone who is a Obama supporter.
My dad is Ted.
by Robby Micheal Jordan October 11, 2010
stands for "That Enlisted Dude." typically a enlisted member of the Coast Guard (or really any service) that feels slighted by the fact that he chose to join up right out of high school rather than try to become an officer and displays a high level of ignorance and contempt/jealousy for officers and cadets. Usually displays a lot of "service pride" which really means 95% of his clothing says Coast Guard on it somewhere, because it's way cheaper to buy things at the exchange than even Wal-Mart.
Guy 1: I was going to get a huge decal on the bag of my Dodge with an Eagle carrying the CG emblem.
Guy 2: Dude, that'd be like, so sick... Let's smoke some Camels and get nautical star tatoos to celebrate.
Cadet standing awkwardly: (under breath) TEDs...
by jimmycricket383838338383838388 February 20, 2010