1. to masturbate

2. a term to describe something of substandard quality

3. a term to describe a situation which stirs deep disappointment and contempt
1. 'where's Emrys?' 'Emrys is having a wank in his car. It is lunch time after all.'

2. 'What happened to the bike you got two months ago?' 'It was wank, I took it back. the gears came off.'

3. I worked late for for 3 weeks and did not get any overtime, or even a thank you. The whole thing is wank mate.
by plastictwatmuncher June 21, 2012
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predominantely British term for masturbation

Buffing the Banana
Holding Your Sausage Hostage
Jackin' the Beanstalk
Rounding up the Tadpoles
Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Spank the Frank
Applying the hand brake
Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Auditioning the finger puppets
Beef-stroke-it-off
Boxing the bald champ
Charming the snake
Checking for testicular cancer
Choking Kojak
Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Straddle your paddle
Taking matters into your own hands
Teasing the weasel
Thumping the pump
Tickling the pickle
etc etc
by Master Bates March 24, 2003
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The act of self masturbation (verb)
Hey John, wanna go catch a beer?
No, I think I'm just going to go home and have a wank.
by terriblequiche August 10, 2006
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the voice inside someones head that tells them to do and say unexplainable things.

he is similar to an infection, anyone can get sick with him, but once he is there he never leaves.
Simon - “why did you do that”

Tom - “it wasnt me it was wank”
by prouddaddyof3 April 28, 2023
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Although E. M. Forster enjoyed Virginia Woolf's company, he'd often wish she'd shut up and leave so he could enjoy a rollicking good wank in the gazeebo.
by Reginald Whattabone October 7, 2003
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.bash the bishop
.choke the chicken
.yank the plank
.clean the pipes
.grapple the gorilla
.pet the one eyed snake
.stroke the salami
.massage colin
.toss off
.shake hands with the milkman
.plain old wank
.greet the old chap
.tommy tank
by r0By$Ta April 8, 2003
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1. British slang for masturbation or masturbating.
2. An on-line discuss without purpose or substance that often involves pretension and bullshit.
1. There was a guy in the park having a wank in the bushes.

2. Then the entire conversation degenerated into complete wank.
by A.A. September 12, 2004
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