look up any word, like cunt:
 
8.
An impossibly difficult written task set by extremely evil, cruel, and nasty teachers (or teachers' bosses - some teachers don't like essays either!) to do for homework,usually due for a week after they are set.
Essays are possibly the worst torture ever due to their immense difficulty to accomplish for a certain young goldfish who may or may not be writing this definition when they are supposed to be doing their Citizenship essay on bullying that is already 15 days overdue!

and I can't do it! Help me!!!!! :-(
by Goldfish United! February 26, 2009
 
9.
A ploy conceived by English teachers to show their jaded outlook towards students who are either too stupid to do it anyway, or are smart, but prefer pin-point to the point answering rather than spending five paragraphs trying to convince "X" to do "Y". They usually give people a week or so to do the essay, but it is known fact that nobody does the stupid things until the night before it's due.
Tom - "We're going to see a movie, wanna come along?"
Ray - "No, I've still got this clusterfuck of an essay to write."
William -"You mean the one where you have to write five pages about what your favorite aspect of Beowulf was and why?"
Ray - "Yep. See you guys monday."
by Insert Alias Here October 11, 2009
 
10.
assigned by teachers as a form of torture viewed as acceptable by society. Complaining to the teacher about the work it entails it wrong, but said teacher is allowed to bitch and moan about grading it as long as he/she pleases.
Yesterday Mrs. Bitchstein assigned us a 5 page essay to do overnight. Today she complained about grading it over the weekend. What a hypocrite.
by PissedHonorsStudent December 30, 2009
 
11.
a mexican dude
Hey essay, who you tryin to get crazy with? don't you know i'm loco!!!
by Jon Himself March 28, 2003
 
12.
An essay is a long-winded response sent via text message. These long responses characteristically come from people who express interest in a text message conversation, although this interest is in some cases overzealous.
When you have to use four messages to fit everything into your text, you are writing an essay.
by textking June 18, 2009
 
13.
1. What you should probably be working on right now. See also: homework
Hmm, what can I possibly do to further my procrastination? I know! Look up the word "essay" on UD!
by Henriettah June 14, 2011
 
14.
Something that my english teacher didn't teach me.
I have to do this tomorrow. I'm totally fucked now. Thanks a lot, Mrs. smoking pot Dunn-Peters for not teaching me about essays.
by suicidalqueen January 31, 2011