Cry wank 

The ultimate display of self love/loathing, rubbing one out while weeping, superceded only by the ultimate cry wank, involving weeping while wanking, witha cigarette hanging from the mouth and a beer in your free hand.

I was so sad last night all I could do was cry wank.

Cry wank by Mr C. Wanksalot July 1, 2005

Cry wank 

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time

Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*

Cry wank by Sad fuck March 25, 2020

Cry-wank 

When you're in a state of woe matched only by your state of arousal and there's only one thing you can do. Such as when you've been split up from a hottie for reasons beyond your - or their - control.

She's gone, but it could never be. A cry-wank's all that's left for me.

Cry-wank by causticSodaKitten May 17, 2017

Pokey Bum Cry Wank 

A thoroughly modern form of vigorous self-pleasure enjoyed by the east London sexual elite.

This wildly popular practice centers around three activities: Poking, Crying and Wanking; and two erogenous zones: the genitals and the anus (cllql. dirty rubber ring, bumlips).

A PBCW aficionado lifts one leg (much like an animal relieving its bladder or a sumo wrestler) and brutally rams the index or 'poking' finger into their rear entrance.

Next, they begin to manhandle their rude bits until they are tumescent. Balance can often prove an issue, which is why many PBCW fans club together and rent ballet practice spaces, using the rails and mirrors for support and guidance.

At this point, the sheer pleasure of the mixed sensations experienced usually produces tears of joy, but a willing PBCW partner can be employed to add Crying - the final element of the activity - by hurling vicious insults at the PBCWer or swiping at their nuts or nipples with a handy kitchen utensil.

Jenny: I'm off to the chiropractor again today.

Joe: Why?

Jenny: Both hands cramped in the middle of a mean Pokey Bum Cry Wank session and I had to open the front door with with my feet and crab-walk to my neighbour's place naked to get help.

Pokey Bum Cry Wank by Editor, PBCW TODAY October 28, 2010

angry cry wank 

After an unsuccessful night on the pull. Your return to your bed angry and upset you haven't pulled a girl, whilst wanking and crying

I didn't pull last night, just ended up having an angry cry wank

angry cry wank by Jack Reacharound1234 May 28, 2013

Cry and Wank 

Going to cry, and do something that makes us happy but there's a chance it won't do anything.

Person 1: "I'm going to cry and wank."
Person 2: "Are you alright?"
Person 1: "No."

Cry and Wank by tiimos September 11, 2020

Cry-Wanker 

Cry-Wanker: A man who has befriended a large number of attractive women, yet is simply unable to seduce any of them (which in turn causes him to cry whilst masturbating).

Also know as 'a-shoulder-to-cry-on', Cry-Wankers masquerade as 'nice-guys' in order to obtain a female's trust. As a result, Cry-Wankers are perceived to be non-threatening and are allowed close proximity to their 'friends', enabling them to warn said friends of other, more competent males.

Cry-Wankers are often coy and deceptive individuals, who lack the confidence to approach women in an ordinary manor. Due to this, they begrudgingly build long-standing friendship with women, in the hope that their targets will one day view them in a sexual nature. Thus, the Cry-Wanker able to masturbate normally, with a smile upon his face.

Cry-Wanker: It should have been meeeeeeeeee.

Cry-Wanker by Scouse-Truth November 14, 2011