by peaness2002 January 30, 2022
A latex, polyurethane, or natural sheepskin oblong barrier placed over the penis for eliminating most chance of pregnancy for human males who can:
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
'Jeanette is pregnant now.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
by Kyle Lees April 10, 2006
A condom is a small, flexible, usually rubber sheat that is rolled up and is unrolled onto an erect penis during sexual intercourse to prevent the transfer of STDs or sperm. This is often used along spermicide to prevent pregnancy. Condoms may be made iut of a vareity of materials such as nitrile, natural latex, artificial latex, polyurethane, etc. Condoms are often claimed to reduce the sensation of intercourse and prevent orgasm in some cases. It is recomended that a space is left over the penis so that semen has a small space to gather, or else semen can overflow and enter the vagina, still causing fertilization. On average there is a 2% failure rate. Ejaculation can cause the condom to slip off. Condoms are often pre-lubricated to give extra sensation, and to prevent the irritation of the exposed glans penis. The reason condoms are made of latex is because they have a strength of over 30 mPa, so that they won't break easily, to prevent accidental impregnancy. This is also why they make good balloons. Certain condoms are ribbed, to add extra sensation during intercourse. Condoms were first made of animal intestines and are still availible today; however studies show that they are not very effective at the preventation of STDs and are rather gruesome also, which is why they are relatively rare nowadays.
Once I found a condom with semen in it, which proves the fact that my parents have sex after I'm asleep.
by therandomname August 22, 2015
by T-o-m-i September 21, 2006
by chris d 100 June 22, 2005
Bill: Oops, my condom broke!
Susy: Shit! Are you serious? Now I'm pregnant!
Don: Mommy where do babies come from?
Susy: Condoms.
Susy: Shit! Are you serious? Now I'm pregnant!
Don: Mommy where do babies come from?
Susy: Condoms.
by Kristen H. April 15, 2008
by malitia July 11, 2008