Top Definition
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
Jesus:be nice to others.
by Jonjo January 15, 2005
Jesus Christ is the son of God according to the Christian faith.
Jesus is my homeboy. Amen.
by lucky April 02, 2005
The Son of God, The Lion of Judah, The Prince of Peace, True Vine, The Way, The Truth, The Light, The Door, The Savior of Mankind.
I love Jesus Christ the Son of God!!!
by The Josh September 22, 2004
A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so that he can remove an evil force in your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Easter: Happy Zombie Jesus Day!
by Squee4Starscream March 08, 2008
1. My Father in Heaven
2. My Best Friend.
3. My Homie.
4. My God.
5. My Hero.
6. My Healer.
7. My Jesus.
If you can't see the simple truth I do
Then there's nothing in this world that's left to say
But jesus loves you
by Ashleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy July 10, 2008
The Son of God according to Cristians, and the only person ever to be blamed for commiting billions of different crimes after he had already died (dee-de-dee). He was a man who is blamed by many for things he didn't do rather than priased for the good things he did do. People are dumb. They often look at the evil doings of people who aren't Jesus and blame him for things they did just because they said it was Cristian-like so they could get away with it, such as slavery and the slaughter of homosexuals. Those things are evil and it goes without saying that some Christians are an utter disgrace to the poor guy. Jesus made it quite clear that you shouldn't put others below yourself for your own greed and racist intentions, and certainly told us NOT to kill each other. Jesus was a virtuous man who never wanted people to hide behind his reputation as a peacemaker so they could get away with committing acts of evil. People who do such acts, according to many faiths (not just Christianity), will probably pay for it in full.
Thou shalt not kill. (self-explanatory)
Thou shalt not bare false witness against thy neighbor. (in other words, don't blame people for things they didn't do. Jesus never killed or enslaved others, WE did, so don't take it out on him).
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. (don't be a greedy bitch)

Don't be a hater, Jesus loves everyone.

And if that doesn't convince you, remember, Jesus saved Chuck Norris.
by Phil T. from NJ May 14, 2008
Jesus, is a cool guy who is cooler than nature, enjoys long romantic walks on water, and doesn't get all big-headed about being God's son.
Girl: So what do you like to do?
Jesus: I enjoy long romantic walks on water.
Girl: Only Jesus can do that.
Jesus: Bitch, I am Jesus!

Mark 13:1
by Blacktop Preacha May 20, 2005
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