something thats not catholic; synonomous with high divorce rates, jerry falwell (with his mother in the outhouse) and mainly hypocritical, holier than thou bullshit. see every religion tries to prove its better...in the end catholocism wins by a billion and a half so you baptists can go to hell, which is where your goin when jesus bitch slaps you down to satan...you know what, ill do it, your not worty of jesus' hand...i offically call dibs on the baptist bitch-slaper to hell guy
Jesus: i see your here for the profesional Bitch Slaping Baptist job?
Me: Yes.
Jesus: Why Should i Hire You?
Me: Because you dont have to get your hands dirty in southern redneck inbreds whose lives center around being punished to hell, so i figured id give them what they want
Jesus: I Like your Style, Lets See How Well You do, how does tuesday sound?
Me: No Problem
Jesus: Ok From Now on You are now my Pimphand Bitchslapper...if they ask, tell 'em J hired you and give them a ton of hope that they'll get into heaven, then bitchslap them into satans asshole...
me: Sounds Good
Jesus: Peace, im going to go with peter to bless some kids or some shit like that
me: see u around...
2. " did not have sex with my mother in an outhouse...it was my father"-Jerry Falwell
Me: Yes.
Jesus: Why Should i Hire You?
Me: Because you dont have to get your hands dirty in southern redneck inbreds whose lives center around being punished to hell, so i figured id give them what they want
Jesus: I Like your Style, Lets See How Well You do, how does tuesday sound?
Me: No Problem
Jesus: Ok From Now on You are now my Pimphand Bitchslapper...if they ask, tell 'em J hired you and give them a ton of hope that they'll get into heaven, then bitchslap them into satans asshole...
me: Sounds Good
Jesus: Peace, im going to go with peter to bless some kids or some shit like that
me: see u around...
2. " did not have sex with my mother in an outhouse...it was my father"-Jerry Falwell
by Alex Curtis June 6, 2006
Baptist is a denomination of Christianity (sometimes called Protestant) that rejects infant Baptism. They practice Believer's Baptism through immersion. A Believer is someone who has accepted and believes that Jesus Christ is their personal savior who died to atone for their sins. Baptists believe in The Trinity. The Trinity means there is one God made up of 3 different beings who are the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Pentecostal: Why don't you dance in church?
Baptist: Because I'm a Baptist.
Methodist: My preacher's gay. We believe that gay people can be preachers too.
Baptist: Your preacher will go to Hell is he doesn't repent of his sin and accept Christ.
Guy: What bible do you read?
Baptist: KJV
Baptist: Because I'm a Baptist.
Methodist: My preacher's gay. We believe that gay people can be preachers too.
Baptist: Your preacher will go to Hell is he doesn't repent of his sin and accept Christ.
Guy: What bible do you read?
Baptist: KJV
by Crytek June 14, 2011
People who run around and conscript people into their religious clan by luring them using little curses or actions.
1. Someone wore a baby blue shirt and became the big white hype without them knowing. Thost baptists!
2. I ate a hamburger and all of a sudden I am considered part of the gay community. I was baptized into the gay community.
2. I ate a hamburger and all of a sudden I am considered part of the gay community. I was baptized into the gay community.
by GhostScripter July 8, 2010
Someone who is hardly a fucktard, except in the opinion of actual fucktards {which is a dumb insult in the first place, used typically by emo kids, punk rockers, etc.) who are ignorant about the Christian denomination of The Baptists. We're not as stupid and/or redneckish as you people imply; in fact, the majority of us don't lash out at those who are atheists, until they attack us, of course. In addition, some Baptists may disagree with the Catholics, but we all still love them as brothers and sisters.
If only you people knew what The Baptists are really about. You call us retarded and hate-filled, when you are the ones making hateful accusations against us; what a bunch of hypocrites you all are.
by The Kentucky Yankee March 20, 2005
uptight and anal superstitious people. they want to control what everyone thinks, believes and does. if you're any different you're going to hell.
by eazy-x February 12, 2008
"Are you out of the closet?"
"No, my family is Baptist and drag me to church 2 times a week."
"Oof."
"No, my family is Baptist and drag me to church 2 times a week."
"Oof."
by PleaseHelpWhyMe April 4, 2018
Someone following the beliefs taught in the King James Bible. In no way related to Catholicism, AT ALL! It is not a protestant religion in the fact that protestants come from the catholic church as seperatists. The baptists are the first church started (I. E.- John the Baptist). Believe in salvation by prayer and the Lord's forgiveness, not works. Commonly stick to themselves, buy occassionaly form alliances (I. E.- world Baptist Association.
Man 1: What faith are you?
Man 2: Baptist.
Man 1: Oh, so you're protestant?
Man 2: No! I'm Baptist!!!
Man 2: Baptist.
Man 1: Oh, so you're protestant?
Man 2: No! I'm Baptist!!!
by Jesus Loves You February 19, 2006