A show which is shown on channel 7 in Australia. Basically, its end goals are to make children, teenagers and the unemployed feel bad about themselves, and to make the middle class Australian angry about such things.
Today Tonight, get fucked you sensationalist pigs!
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Calling in sick at the last second before you need to report. The cough at the end is an poor attempt to fake sick.
Good morning Intertek how can i direct your call.

Nancy its Bryce I know work starts in 30 seconds but Not today *Cough* I'm sick.
by The Blue Falcon September 9, 2009
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An empire today is the process of getting the ground to shake by dropping carpet
Carpet Installer: Ok lets empire today this ground.
by InterstateDriver January 26, 2019
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Absolutely amazing metalcore band from Buffalo NY. Some of their songs include: Sentiments of You, Deprevity Waltz, A Threnody For Modern Romance..etc

If you like metalcore this is the band to listen too
I slam danced my fucking brains out when It Dies Today played A Threnody For Modern Romance live.
by Geoff January 14, 2005
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When a evil blood sucking succubus tries to ruin your friends or your life.
When your friend's ex ask you for his new number. Not today Satan
by GreatwhiteClark August 30, 2015
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An awkward form of birth control that involves jamming a small, special sponge up your woman and leaving it there for several hours after sex.
What if you get knocked up?

It's okay, I'm wearing a Today sponge!
by DrZedex February 18, 2014
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A term that literally just means for today.
Guy 1: Where we going fo today?
Guy 2: Why are you in my house?
by bruhmoment62 June 9, 2020
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