Mallet Dick

When it's wider around than it is long. As this prevents actual penetration from happening it forces the owner to pound around in the general vicinity of his target, hence the name mallet dick.

Lady: Damn he hit me with his mallet dick last night, I'm sore from my knees to my belly button

by #Splashback March 19, 2015

Moisty's Mallet

Word Association Game, Which each player must say a related word to one that was previously just said. The person who pauses or cant think of a word gets a bash around the head, often with a heavey object eg. a book.

The Game, Moisty's Mallet

EG.

Jack:'Football'
John:'Sport'
Jack:'Basket Ball'
John:'Net'
Jack:'Internet'
John:'Porn'

by Cammers September 22, 2008

Ass Mallet

Variation of "Asshammer". Somebody who exists purely to pound on ass (see "malletize"). Usually a gay man or somebody who is suspected of being gay.

Noah: I think Garrett likes the cock.
Chris: What an ass mallet!

by C2Y July 18, 2005

rusty mallet

When a man fake tans his penis resulting in it looking like a rusty mallet. (alternative definition: A heavy hammer object left out in the rain.)

Mike struck me with his rusty mallet this morning.

by Poodefiner June 29, 2014

timmy mallet

Childrens TV presenter much loved by Tommy Boyd.

You love timmy mallet

by crawford February 9, 2004

mallet head

Of or pertaining to one with a vacuous mind, who perceives themself to be otherwise.

He is a mallet head; someone who couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

by T. G. Moore October 27, 2006

fudge mallet

The act of defecating into a sock and utilising said tool as a weapon.

Sweet mother of Jesus, Sally totally gave me the fudge mallet last night!

by Bawbag Johnson June 12, 2018