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al-in-chgo's definitions

jackoff artist

A person (usually a man) who is good at masturbation, but since that rudimentary skill requires no particular training, it's usually used to mean someone who has no particular skills at anything beyond masturbation. An American way to designate a "wanker."
"Bob says he's an air-guitar artist."

"Bob is a jackoff artist at best. I'm not even sure he can perform air-guitar."
by al-in-chgo April 1, 2013
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pun

A play on words. Generally a pun takes a word that is quite understandable in context and replaces it with a homonym (same-sounding word) to create an entirely new meaning, or replaces a word with a similar-sounding one to the same effect.

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A pun involving a word with two possible meanings --

Nurse, to young woman about to receive a vaccination:

"You're going to feel a little prick."

Woman: "It wouldn't be the first time."

* * *

A pun that uses a similar-sounding term to the expected one, to humorous effect --

A one-liner: "JFK's private life was so sexy they should have called his administration Cum-A-Lot."

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by al-in-chgo March 13, 2010
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Jes sayin'

A mild dialect-in-writing variant of "just sayin'," a phrase that follows a statement or affirmation that might potentially give offense in order to defuse any insult.

Standard English equivalent = "No offense."
"You buzzed that guy in? Suppose he was some sort of murderer or rapist?"

"That so-called murderer and rapist just happens to be my brother."

"Jes sayin'."
by al-in-chgo October 31, 2013
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Dog's Cock

Also "dogcock" or "dogscock." British journalese for an exclamation mark (!) due to the visual similarity. Considered vulgar but widely used within the industry.

Mentioned in Lynn Truss's book EATS, SHOOTS AND LEAVES.
"Can't we get along with just one dog's cock on that banner? Surely three is going over the top."
by al-in-chgo March 18, 2011
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fappal tunnel syndrome

From FAP + carPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

Getting a strained wrist from working a computer mouse with one hand (e.g., to download porn), and jacking self off with the other. It's generally the lower of the two wrists that develops the syndrome first.
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"Jed says his right (left) wrist hurts."

"Probably poor ergonomic design at his workstation. He's wanked himself into a case of Fappal Tunnel Syndrome. Someone get a crowbar and pry him off that computer. Sheesh!"
by al-in-chgo March 20, 2011
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Gonatophile

A person who loves knees, or who has a fetish for human knees.

From the Greek GONATOs + PHILE, "Knee" and "Lover of."

Not to be confused with "gonad."
- "Suzy's dress was too long, I couldn't see her knees."

- "What are you, some sort of gonatophile?"
by al-in-chgo November 12, 2015
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Verschlusspanik

Verschlusspanik (fair-SCHLOOSE-pah-neek) is a German word that literally means "closing panic." It refers to the rush of new investors (and new capital) into consumer investments like mutual funds that occurs when the sponsoring financial house announces that its fund will no longer accept new accounts beyond a certain date. That "last-minute" stampede is due to Verschlusspanik on the part of potential investors who do not want to be shut out of the fund.
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"Go figure -- Fund XYZ announces that it won't open any new accounts past the end of this month, and all of a sudden there's a huge influx of new investors and their money."

"That's called 'Verschlusspanik'. It often happens when there's a deadline for new accounts imposed."

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by al-in-chgo March 24, 2010
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