Smart American Male's definitions

Hayden Panettiere

A goddess of the creatures of the sea with an outgoing and friendly personality. She takes the form of an extremely attractive human who happens to be one of America's most successful movie actresses. She was a cheerleader during her years in school and has acted in many roles of cheerleaders in movies, but her most notable role is Claire Bennet from Heroes, where one of her unnecessary powers, regeneration, is put to use. The reason she has chosen the form of an attractive human is to draw the attention to build support to help keep alive her two groups of cohorts called the "Whales" and the "Dolphins", whether it's acting out as the spokesman for the Whaleman Foundation, making bold attempts to save fellow comrades from getting slaughtered personally, known as "Saving The World", or reaching out to her fans via the internet. Hayden is also a singer/songwriter, and her human boyfriend is Milo Ventimiglia, who also plays a character on Heroes.

Girl: My report is on Hayden Panettiere.
Boy: Who the hell's that?
Girl: Oh, she's an actress known as the "Cheerleader who wants to Save the World."
Boy: Pfft. Cheerleaders? Boring. Why not do one on Britney Spears?
Girl: ...Are you kidding me?! God I bet is laughing at you right now.

by Smart American Male June 3, 2008

graham cracker

An old person who tries to act cool.

Kid: Hey! Get a load of the graham cracker! Ahaha!
Man: Is that a geezer on a skateboard?!
Old Man: LOOGAME! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Kid & Man together: A 360 Varial McTwist?!

by Smart American Male October 18, 2006

Sportscenter

A daily block of mini sports soap operas packed into one hour. Programs listed in order and the length of the episodes vary:

Yankee Country
Manny Knows Best
The Favre Saga
The Misadventures of T.O.
Lebrontourage
The Red Sox Chronicles (or sometimes a rerun of Yankee Country)

repeat the cycle until 2PM EST.

And check this, they leave women doing the morning shift.

ESPN anchor: And still to come, we take a trip to Ben Roethlisberger's natural habitat at the Pittsburgh Zoo. Later, a rapper comes on stage! What the fuck does this have to do with sports? Who knows?! Don't tell us how to do our business, bitch! It's nawmally good!
Viewer: Man, even Sportscenter could use an offseason.

by Smart American Male April 29, 2009

Teen Choice Awards

Sluttiest children's special in television history. The abomination of awards shows and the most overrated.

Teens don't even watch. Children do.
It's not even their choice. The choice is Miley's and the Jonas Brothers'. And they suck.
Therefore, the awards are nothing but novelty.

You will die of ripping your own head off if you watch the Teen Choice Awards.

by Smart American Male August 10, 2009

dungshell

A person who use to be great at something, but now sucks at it. A shell of what someone use to be.

Here's an analogy in the case of dungshells: John Cena is to WWE as Barry Bonds is to baseball.

by Smart American Male July 30, 2008

Ashley Tisdale

A careful yet still overrated actress signed with Disney whose best friends are a giant tampon named Vanessa Hudgens and her bitch, Zac Efron. She has been a Disney Channel regular since about 3 years ago and ever since then, she's been a marketing ploy to teeny boppers everywhere. From a temporary singing career, and soon to be a temporary acting career, it's only a matter of time before she'll start to shit bricks. She also is in bad shape and has decided to put her health in the hand of plastic surgeons. Opposed to Hayden Panettiere, Ashley Tisdale is one of several Disney-born stars that don't really impress anybody but the media.

Girl: Could you believe Ashley Tisdale is redoing her nose AGAIN?! What the hell?
Boy: I heard it's to improve her singing, but let's hope they fuck it up so badly that she can't even breath. I'm so sick of hearing about her.

by Smart American Male June 2, 2008

Disney Channel

Once an uplifting lexicon which was okay to watch every once in a while. Today, it's a preppy tenny bopper channel consisting of actors spawned in a genetics lab. Everything on Disney Chennel is overrated, such notable shows and actors include:

A show about a hefty psychic played by Raven Symone.
A show about living in a hotel with Ashley Tisdale as a receptionist. As a matter of fact. The scientists modded her to 23 years old because she was given "sensitive" traits.
A show about kids who think they are Harry Potter, such as Selena Gomez.
The Jonas Brothers, the most overrated band in history who make cameo appearances in all of Disney's modern day shows, and even had a TV Movie with Demi Lovato, which was awful. What kind of name is "Demi" anyway?
A bratty Disney Couple who also got their own documentaries. Vanessa Hudgens, can be summed up as a Filipino Paris Hilton who dresses sluttier. And Zac Enron-- I mean Zac Efron, who is clearly an idiot.
And the brattiest of all, Miley Cyrus who stars in a show about a country hick who is secretly a pop diva, that has sold out in concerts and marketing ploys.

All shows are unreal, with actors that are unreal who all can't sing. Infact the only real word they know is "gimme". A big shame comes from the American people who actually believe that they are perfect when clearly they are not even living humans.

Disney Channel Actors: Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!
Normal peroson: No.
Disney Channel Actors: Waaaaaaaaahh! Ahhhhhhhh!

by Smart American Male December 30, 2008