MagickDio's definitions

Winter Tears

When the cold weather or a gust of wind forces your eyes to water and hot tears to spill down your cheeks, prompting people to ask "What's the matter?!"

Winter Tears could be an acceptable to use if you don't actually want people to know you're crying. However, during an episode of genuine Winter Tears, there are those that won't believe you weren't sobbing. Thus, the Winter Tears phenomenon is dreaded by young males.

"What's the matter?"
"Don't worry, it's just winter tears"

by MagickDio September 22, 2011

Big Jazz

1) A sarcastic term used to describe something or someone that others clearly thinks is great, but is actually fairly sub standard. (Not unlike a lot of jazz)

2) A description for the fuss people make about something that's hardly worth mentioning. (Like the latest jazz album.)

1) "I got a new puppy!"
"Big Jazz! I got a new shotgun. Shall we get the two of them together?"

2) "So the bride walked down the aisle and everyone went "Ahhhhhh". All I could think was- "Big Jazz... she looks like an iced gem."

by MagickDio April 19, 2010

Leather Flaying

Sitting on leather seats with bare skin on a hot day is asking for trouble. When you attempt to rise from the seat, you have to rip your skin from the surface that it has practically merged with, thus giving yourself a painful Leather Flaying experience. If you're lucky, you won't have made full body contact. Having sex on a leather sofa is a big mistake. 50% of the gasps and moans will be of pain as you tear your body away, leaving 6 layers of skin behind.

"Your back looks all sunburnt, Jim"
"It's not, I was shagging Vicky on the sofa and got a serious leather flaying"

by MagickDio March 7, 2010

Sex Fairy

A magical being, of which there are thousands. They fly around and use their powers to make unlikely sex situations happen. It's up for debate as to whether or not these creatures work for the greater good. For example, sex faries will have made it possible for the school geek to sleep with the school stud. Excellent for the reputation of the geek, but total social disaster for the stud.

Sex faries work better in situations where copious alcohol is applied to all parties, or when a high degree of lust renders the targets unable to function correctly. (Sex faries can be prayed to if desperate, and are more likely to exist than God)

-"Hey Steve, I hear you slept with Tina. What possessed you?"
-"There must have been some bloody sex faries in the air. I will never live this down"

-"Oh Magical Sex Fairy, please please PLEASE let me have one night with Danny, and I'll never ask for anything again, I swear!"

by MagickDio February 24, 2010

Fierce Wretched

When a situation is more than just fucked, more than plain old dreadful, and you can't talk your way out of it, it's fierce wretched. Hella bad.

"My mum cam home early today and caught me and my brother fucking our boyfriends."

"Seriously?? That's fierce wretched"

by MagickDio May 14, 2010

Horny Eye Syndrome

Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.

Symptoms include:

Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.

Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.

It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes time.

by MagickDio June 3, 2010

Ear poison

1) Bad music.

2) Gossip

3) Scripture

These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.

For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.

For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.

For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.

"I was getting a lift with Josh, but I'll be taking the bus from now on, due to the massive dose of Prince related ear poison he pumped into the car"

"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"

"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"

by MagickDio May 18, 2010