Skip to main content

MagickDio's definitions

Fuckjobbing

1) Putting a large amount of effort into doing something badly. More often than not, unintentionally. People that are doing the fuck jobs rarely see their utter abortions as anything except works of art.

2) When you injure yourself spectacularly in an incredibly stupid fashion.
1) The men watched, transfixed. Even after their handy hints, Sheila continued fuckjobbing the Creosote and gazing appreciatively at the terrible mess.

2) Sorry I didn't text you back. It was due to me fuckjobbing my finger by poking the blades on my blender when it was plugged in.
by MagickDio July 6, 2011
mugGet the Fuckjobbing mug.

Wrands

When someone is so fat that their wrists and hands merge, this person has "wrands". Wrands usually have that fold of flesh, making it appear as if the person is wearing a meaty jumper. Cute on a baby, absolutely vile on an adult. Wrandy folk love pie, and are rarely seen without food of some kind, even though they insist their disgusting, morbid weight problem is "glandular"
"Sarah's mum has got raging wrands! Did you notice?"
"Yeah, I shuddered when she touched me"
by MagickDio March 7, 2010
mugGet the Wrands mug.

Twatman

Twatman is the drunken guy you seriously need to avoid. He's the one who thinks he's a superhero. He will feel up and slobber over every female within grabbing distance, churning out such winning lines as "You're beautiful, you are. HEY! Did you know that, I said you're beautiful? Cos you are." and "Love, do you wanna come back to my flat and let me fuck you?". These lines are usually delivered whilst Twatman has his face pressed into an unfortunate woman's neck, breathing hotly and rasping his words in a sex killer's voice. Outside, with his mates, Twatman will give them appalling representation by yelling slurred insults at men that were innocently passing by, and inciting a gang style hatred between the two groups, when really, they could have just gone home. Twatman will fight like a retard following a laser pen, will lose and will cry on his knees, bellowing the name of his current or former girlfriend. He will then walk through traffic, dismissing the vehicles as a threat to him and will search out a kebab van. After purchasing the greasy nastiness, he'll wolf it down and puke. He'll tell his mates that he loves them, then get rowdy about it. He'll end his night drenched in sick and gutter filth, plus his own piss, and will be most definitely NOT having sex. He will have ruined everyone's night. These are the powers of Twatman. Bravo.
"Keith turns into Twatman when we go out drinking, lets not invite him, EVER"

"Last night you behaved like a total Twatman, you were really out of order, and you deserve to be horsewhipped, or possibly to die for making that girl cry. I could have ended up fucking her if you hadn't come over and scared her off!"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
mugGet the Twatman mug.

Team J.C

People that try to make christianity "cool" often refer to Jesus Christ as "J.C". It's an attempt to suck in as many kids and sinners as possible, owing to the fact that chavs and skanks have been naming their kids with just initials for the last 20 years. There is a handful of C.J's, A.J's, D.J's, J.D's and M.J's in every community. The J seems to be the key letter here. And claiming that they're on a "team" makes the possibility of hooliganism seem way more likely. Obviously, the idea is that the idiots will all flock to those on "Team J.C" thinking that they will be having an excellent time with a cool person if they join them.

What they do get is as much religious tea as they can drink, a few dry biscuits, people with soft and weak voices telling them that God loves them all and possible molestation and inappropriate behaviour from the Vicar and/or Choir Master.

They tend to recruit in non confrontational ways, like going up to some kids in town and asking them if they're having a good day, or on their way to a party before they give them a leaflet.

Those in charge of "Team J.C" can often be heard saying things like, "You know what, gang? It's prayer time! Come on, let's give it up for the Lord!" or even "Paper chains ARE cool, now let's attach them to this easter bonnet before the flour and water paste dries"

Really, the J.C should stand for "Just Crazy"
"Oh Lordy, it's Team J.C, dead ahead"
"How do you know they're on the team?"
"Check it out, they've got bumbags stuffed full of leaflets and Evanessence T shirts on! Plus, look at those crazy, vacant smiles.......they're on the team! Quickly, kids, run to the car!"
by MagickDio March 18, 2010
mugGet the Team J.C mug.

Mental Cycle

A more accurate name for the menstrual cycle in highly strung females. A lot of women will simply get on with it, however there are a significant proportion that just go full on fucking crazy. Experiences vary, but phrases such as "DON'T speak to me like that!!" and "Oh, well why don't you just fucking LEAVE if I'm so hard to live with!!" are common.

Men are expected to accept this, or they will suffer horribly. These women use the fact that they are menstruating, have just menstruated or are about to menstruate as a kind of "get out of jail free" card, which leaves them free to be psychotic bitches without fear of reprisal, which makes people hate them more and more all month long.

As a bystander to this train wreck, expect screeching, expect tears, expect no sex and expect to want to kill someone more than you ever have before.
"John, do you wanna go do something?"
"Daz, it's midnight! What do you expect us to do?"
"I don't care, my missus is in the middle of her Mental Cycle, so if I don't leave the house, I'll kill the bitch in her sleep"
by MagickDio March 6, 2010
mugGet the Mental Cycle mug.

Disco Fever

What ungroomed ladies and gentleman have going on in their pants. Pubic 'fro. It is an outdated practice that people look back on with some embarrasment that they ever conducted themselves in such a fashion. The only people that enjoy Disco Fever are people that have never experienced a smoother style, or people that can't let go of the hairy, disgusting past.
So, I undressed her and it was like, Boom!! Welcome to the 70's! Disco fever going on in Gem's pants!
by MagickDio September 14, 2010
mugGet the Disco Fever mug.

Fuck This Shit O'Clock

That time of day when whatever you're doing becomes so irritating that you simply have to cease immediately and exit the area. No matter what the clock states as the actual time, it is still Fuck This Shit O'Clock. Morning, noon and night, any second of any hour can become Fuck This Shit O'Clock. So named because when the moment is reached, people tend to either do a wild, exasperated hand flinging gesture or smash their hands down onto a surface and say "Fuck this shit!!" And then leave.

It should be noted that although the time of Fuck This Shit O'Clock is randomly assigned, some people hate their jobs so intensely that 5pm Monday to Friday becomes Fuck This Shit O'Clock.
"Dave, can you just run me off twenty copies of this on your way past the photocopier?"

"Sorry Sir, no can do. It's Fuck This Shit O'Clock and I'm outta here."
by MagickDio October 9, 2012
mugGet the Fuck This Shit O'Clock mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email