MagickDio's definitions
Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Get the Slow Jobmug. Those odd pinpricks of sparkling light that fill your vision before you pass out, and linger in your sights for at least 10 minutes after you've come round.
"Mate, I can't drink any more! I'm getting carkles!"
"I don't know if we can move him yet. Ask him if he still has carkles"
"I don't know if we can move him yet. Ask him if he still has carkles"
by MagickDio February 6, 2010
Get the Carklesmug. 1) A person who is selfish and behaves like an idiot
2) A person who is greedy with their masturbatory habits. A selfish wanker will steal a communal porn collection, steal the only box of tissues remaining in the house, even steal a picture of your own dear mother to wank over. They care nothing for the feelings or masturbation plans of others. They will even turn up late to meetings and dates because of their five knuckle shuffling, but will never ever call and explain the delay. Wanking will always come first to these people. A truly selfish wanker will even prefer the touch of their own hairy palm to the touch of another human being.
2) A person who is greedy with their masturbatory habits. A selfish wanker will steal a communal porn collection, steal the only box of tissues remaining in the house, even steal a picture of your own dear mother to wank over. They care nothing for the feelings or masturbation plans of others. They will even turn up late to meetings and dates because of their five knuckle shuffling, but will never ever call and explain the delay. Wanking will always come first to these people. A truly selfish wanker will even prefer the touch of their own hairy palm to the touch of another human being.
Steven is a selfish wanker. He sent his girlfriend out to the strip club with his mates so that he could stay in and abuse himself alone.
by MagickDio September 4, 2010
Get the Selfish Wankermug. The process by which a normal situation is made into a more homosexual one.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
guy- "We're not going to the Red Lion, that's Rory's local. Last time we went in there, he had us giving him advice on jeans, remember? This is gonna be a good night, as long as we don't let anyone gay it up"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
by MagickDio May 13, 2010
Get the Gay It Upmug. 1) the jacking of a very small penis. To wank a winkle is to perform a wankle
2) The young son of a wanker or chavs who is already displaying wanker like tendencies, ie; swearing at you in the street, calling you "guv" and swigging endless cans of cheap liquid bought in bulk at the local Spar
2) The young son of a wanker or chavs who is already displaying wanker like tendencies, ie; swearing at you in the street, calling you "guv" and swigging endless cans of cheap liquid bought in bulk at the local Spar
1) "Mum, Sam's locked himself in the bathroom again!"
"Ah, leave him at it love, he's just having a wankle"
~"His dick was so tiny, I realised I was actually giving him a wankle"
2) "You know that twat down the road? Well, his lad dropped a crushed can of 'Kola' in my garden and then told me to "Chill the fuck out, Guv" when I told him to pick it up!"
"Jesus, what a wankle"
"Ah, leave him at it love, he's just having a wankle"
~"His dick was so tiny, I realised I was actually giving him a wankle"
2) "You know that twat down the road? Well, his lad dropped a crushed can of 'Kola' in my garden and then told me to "Chill the fuck out, Guv" when I told him to pick it up!"
"Jesus, what a wankle"
by MagickDio February 4, 2010
Get the Wanklemug. 1)Moisturiser for men is Boysturiser. There's nothing wrong with a bit of moisturiser, but these products earn the term "boysturiser" because of their aggressive packaging. All coloured in various shades of "gun" with a bright trim, as if to say "This is a serious product, it's dangerous. But not so dangerous that it will burn your face off.It's safe to use. But ONLY by Real Men". Males who are concerned about looking "gay" for caring about their skin will purchase boysturiser. Men who don't give a damn how people perceive them will either use their partners moisturiser, buy a supermarket own brand, or buy whichever one was closest to them on the shelf at the time. As far as today's men are concerned, there are those who moisturise, and those who boysturise.
2) Men claim to women that they've "heard" that semen is good for the skin, in an attempt to have them readily agree to a dose to the face. They say it jokingly, but ever hopefully that the woman will say, "Really?? Because I've tried everything to get rid of this dry skin, but not that. Come on then, I want it all over" Because of this ridiculous male perpetrated myth, guys across the world are still self advertising the marvellous properties of their own "boysturiser". With a handy dispenser! Just stroke, rub and aim to achieve desired results! Satisfaction guaranteed! (note- satisfaction guarantee applies to dispensing party only.)
2) Men claim to women that they've "heard" that semen is good for the skin, in an attempt to have them readily agree to a dose to the face. They say it jokingly, but ever hopefully that the woman will say, "Really?? Because I've tried everything to get rid of this dry skin, but not that. Come on then, I want it all over" Because of this ridiculous male perpetrated myth, guys across the world are still self advertising the marvellous properties of their own "boysturiser". With a handy dispenser! Just stroke, rub and aim to achieve desired results! Satisfaction guaranteed! (note- satisfaction guarantee applies to dispensing party only.)
1) "Greg's just gone and spent £30 on boysturiser, when he could have got the same stuff from Asda for £10."
2) "I thought that the date was going well until he mentioned he had something to help my dry skin problem"
"Oh no, did he offer his boysturiser?"
"He sure did. And went home alone, presumably to boysturise his own right hand"
2) "I thought that the date was going well until he mentioned he had something to help my dry skin problem"
"Oh no, did he offer his boysturiser?"
"He sure did. And went home alone, presumably to boysturise his own right hand"
by MagickDio March 18, 2010
Get the Boysturisermug. The week during which a woman has her period. There will be blood, an uncomfortable sense of tension and a bad tempered, unpredictable beast.
Take heed during shark week. If you show signs of weakness or aggression, you will be attacked. If you get attacked, it will be all your fault, infinitely more traumatic for her and you'll never be allowed to forget it.
Take heed during shark week. If you show signs of weakness or aggression, you will be attacked. If you get attacked, it will be all your fault, infinitely more traumatic for her and you'll never be allowed to forget it.
Man 1-"Why is your wife glaring at you from the window?"
Man 2-"Shark week. She's looking for an excuse to strike"
Man 1-"Pub?"
Man 2-"Hell yes."
Man 2-"Shark week. She's looking for an excuse to strike"
Man 1-"Pub?"
Man 2-"Hell yes."
by MagickDio January 9, 2011
Get the Shark Weekmug.