L.MARTIN's definitions

BIRTH CONTROL

1)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that mysteriously becomes
less reliable for a woman-the wealthier a man is.
2)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that has been available-in
at least nine different forms to women-for now about
50 YEARS.(There's only two for men:Condom.Vasectomy.)This means nine different forms BEFORE you even
touch abortion or sterilization...But "unplanned"/unwanted
kids still get here.
3)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology-available more to women
than men.Yet newsmedia continues to blame men for
irresponsible breeding.Interesting.I've never met a man
who decided when a baby would be born.

SPORTS ANCHOR:"On the day of the draft-the now rich,young QUARTERBACK
found himself served with PATERNITY SUIT papers."

CHICK TO DUDE:"It's okay.I'm on the BIRTH CONTROL pill.My
doctor says I can't get pregnant anyway.I
just want to FEEL you."

SAME CHICK TO GIRLFRIEND 90 DAYS LATER:"I don't know how it
happened.I was'nt planning on this...but I
don't believe in abortion.Sooo..."

by L.MARTIN September 3, 2006

FREE

The overarching theme under which SEX would be re-designed...if men were in control.

TIPSY-ABOUT TO GET SHUT DOWN ON A DATE-LOSER:"Sex is just so poorly designed."(hiccup)

WOMAN:"Oh?"

LOSER:"Yep.It should be free!":
"Pregnancy free."
"Disease free."
"Barrier free."
"Commitment free."
"Drama free."
"Cost free."
"You know...FREE!"
"...And it should come in nice "8" or higher
packaging."

WOMAN:"Check please."

by L.MARTIN September 23, 2005

FAME BUBBLE

The clubby,sheltered,cozy world of celebrity in which "THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" float...That is until the bubble pops.

CELEBRITY NEWS ANCHORCHIK:"When we come back...it appears that
K-FED has had his FAME BUBBLE
popped.We'll tell you by who...stay
with us!"

by L.MARTIN December 8, 2005

TWO DATE RULE

FOR AVERAGE JOE HETEROSEXUAL:The point at which if a woman has'nt decided to do you(Trust me.-She knows.)...END.ALL.CONTACT! Either she's not into you...or worse...she'll continue to let you waste money time and attention on her.Painful as it may be-turn the page.Helpful hint:The wealthier you become...the more the world looks like a catalog.

FOR LESBIANS & GAYS: Shorten this to the "TWO EYEBLINK RULE"
Lucky fux!

DUDE 1:"So you takin' Mandy out tonite?"

DUDE 2:"Hell no.She talks too much.She keeps reminding me how incredibly smart she is...And to top it off she's maxed out the "TWO DATE RULE".Next.

by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005

1A

The person in any organization-usually a sports team-who is
good enough to have a lead role.Too bad they're being blocked
by someone already in that coveted spot who's actually quite
good too.

EXAMPLE 1/BUSINESS WRITER TO COLLEAGUE:"If Dick Parsons is #1
at Time Warner,Jeff Bewkes must be 1A.Surely the guy will get his own company to run someday."

EXAMPLE 2/NFL 1A QUARTERBACKS:David Garrard....Gus Frerotte...John Kitna...Brad Johnson.

by L.MARTIN January 15, 2006

McTACOHUT

The increasing number of fast food entities that share the same space...i.e. PIZZA HUT/TACO BELL...KFC/A&W...ETC.

ROAD WARRIOR:"Hey...let's pull off the freeway n' get some
quick grub at the McTACOHUT comin' up.

SIDE KICK: "Yep."

by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005

LAPDOG

A 20something man who lands a hot female his age or slightly older.(no more than 5 years)He's muscular,pretty,and fucks the daylights outta her.Too bad he's broke.She's out whoring around with "WEALTHY MEN WHO CAN..."but has LAPDOG for emotional comfort and workouts at the gym.He don't really wanna know what the deal is 'bout that nice condo and the Porsche Boxster.All relationships are temporary...and this one's no different:She'll either
dump him when "MR.BIG STAMPS" decides to take her private...
Or when he returns to being ALPHA DOG as opposed to safe LAPDOG.

GYM RAT 1:"Wassup wit'Dylan and that chick he trains with?
He don't hang wit' us no mo'."

GYM RAT 2:"Yeah...Never seen homie play LAPDOG like this
before.Must be pussy whipped."

by L.MARTIN October 30, 2005