An upscale strip mall on a stretch of P.C.H. sandwiched between NEWPORT BEACH and LAGUNA BEACH.Twelve dollar hamburgers...Two hundred dollar cooking utensils...Day spa's...Hot milfy's pulling up in Escalades and Bentley sedans-kid in tow-for some shopping at the Gap...40/50 something guys in Astons and Ferraris sipping Starbux-and projecting power via horsepower...2-20 million dollar homes in the hills behind the mall...all overlooking the Pacific.In other words...A WHITE RAP VIDEO...only it's real.
NEWPORT COAST RESIDENT WITH BINOCULARS:"Looks like Jim cashed in some Broadcom stock options and bought a FORD GT.Take a look.He just pulled in to CRYSTAL COVE."
NEIGHBOR:"I'm not puttin'up with that! Time to take the cover off the McLAREN...goin' down for a cup of coffee."
N.C.R.W.B-"My VEYRON was just delivered a coupla' days ago.I'm right behind 'ya.He has to be put in check!"
An epithet hurled by class warriors at people born to wealth and privilege.Of course they wish they had chosen their parents more wisely.
ACTRESS/WAITRESS 1:"I have Paris Hilton's table.LUCKY SPERM bitch!The whole fuckin'table of 'em.She better fuckin' tip BIG."
ACTRESS/WAITRESS 2:"My...what beautiful green eyes you have."
A worthless promise made to induce the desired behavior or manipulation.
AGENT:"Dammit Harvey! My clients' a wreck.I thought we left
that meeting with her in the lead with Brad Pitt."
HARVEY:"Sorry Ari.It was solid until Angelina saw her pictures
and balked.Forced her to take the role.Mishuga as that
may be...it worked.My bad about the HOLLYWOOD PROMISE
there...maybe I can get your girl a music video and
a Maxim cover.See 'ya at The Ivy."(click)
One of a handful of LA restaurants where wannabe actors pretend
to be flush with cash...and proceed to max out their credit cards...in the futile hope that one of the true POWER DINERS will bother to give them the time of day.Sorry kid.He notices
you like he notices the waiter...only when he's annoying.
ACTRESS/MODEL/WAITRESS/YOGA CHIK:"Hey Tina...wanna go dutch on
lunch at THE IVY tommorrow?"
TINA:"Sure.We can go in my newly
leased Bmer.That way we can
Extended loud farting.
After an eclectic mix of burritos and sushi-Bill treated the passengers in his car to a most pungent and audible concert
featuring his BROWN TRUMPET.The window locks were applied.
The fantasy of collectors everywhere-(mostly automotive)-that they'll stumble upon a mint condition vintage 'Benz or Ferrari
in a barn or airplane hangar somewhere between N.Y/L.A....owned by someone just happy to get rid of it.Uh-huh.
COLLECTOR:"My 300SL Roadster was a BARN FIND from an estate sale on a river town in Southern Indiana.Family was just happy to be rid of the thing at 90k.Imagine that!"
COLLECTOR 2:"Enough with your fish stories!Even in desperation
nobody let's that rig go for less than 300K.There's photos of you at Barrett Jackson last month anyway."
FOR AVERAGE JOE HETEROSEXUAL:The point at which if a woman has'nt decided to do you(Trust me.-She knows.)...END.ALL.CONTACT! Either she's not into you...or worse...she'll continue to let you waste money time and attention on her.Painful as it may be-turn the page.Helpful hint:The wealthier you become...the more the world looks like a catalog.
FOR LESBIANS & GAYS: Shorten this to the "TWO EYEBLINK RULE"
DUDE 1:"So you takin' Mandy out tonite?"
DUDE 2:"Hell no.She talks too much.She keeps reminding me how incredibly smart she is...And to top it off she's maxed out the "TWO DATE RULE".Next.