L.MARTIN's definitions

FREE

The overarching theme under which SEX would be re-designed...if men were in control.

TIPSY-ABOUT TO GET SHUT DOWN ON A DATE-LOSER:"Sex is just so poorly designed."(hiccup)

WOMAN:"Oh?"

LOSER:"Yep.It should be free!":
"Pregnancy free."
"Disease free."
"Barrier free."
"Commitment free."
"Drama free."
"Cost free."
"You know...FREE!"
"...And it should come in nice "8" or higher
packaging."

WOMAN:"Check please."

by L.MARTIN September 23, 2005

FUCK YOU NUMBER

The financial number at which you can opt not to work.It's different for everyone...but generally speaking...if you buy into the "American Way of Life"...that number is somewhere around 5million liquid.At that point-you have a barrier against "the unforseen"(illness/injury)...or the fully known. (divorce/criminal children)Hefty appettite for booze,sex,and gambling?Triple that number.

Between his ex-wives,children,and jet set travel-James the attorney has a higher FUCK YOU NUMBER than Joe the plumbing contractor.

by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005

S.A.D.

SEX AFFORDABILITY DYNAMIC....One more reason why it's better to be rich.As a straight man...once you get over the age of 25...if you're not rich or famous...generally speaking the quality of pussy you're able to fuck levels off.In fact it quite probably nosedives.The "young n'dumb n'drunk" MIGHT do you...But the "young n'sober/ambitious n'hot" will probably pass.This would explain why Average Joe in his mid-to late 20's claims to really dig older women.That's all that'll do your mediocre ass.

GYM MANAGER:"Unbelievable!This guy who just joined is uglier than the bottom of my shoe...but he walked in with this total babe."

FEEX GUY:"Must be the Bentley GT they pulled up in.Tsk
tsk...it's S.A.D."

by L.MARTIN November 5, 2005

INTERNET DATING REALITY

While many beautiful women may post their profile and picture on an internet dating site...the only ones that you MR. AVERAGE JOE HETEROSEXUAL will hook up with are the 5's...and SINGLE MOTHERS.The 8,9,10 girl has her picture up for ego-grat
purposes.She's only available if you can somehow PROVE INCOME.
You know what I mean.

HONEST DRINKIN' BUDDY #1:"It's been awhile.I just had to clear the pipes.Hooked up with this cute single mom off MATCH.Not goin' back."

HONEST DRINKIN' BUDDY #2:"Yeah...I'm doin'okay now but awhile back I found myself in bed with this gnarly 5 off MYSPACE.I guess that's just INTERNET DATING REALITY."

by L.MARTIN January 15, 2006

REVERSE MAIL-ORDER

A 40-50something western-educated doctor/engineer/venture capitalist who marries...or arranges to marry an American white girl.He is usually Indian,Persian,or Arab and smitten with things Western.She's usually 30something,educated,sorta hot in that"polished babe" kinda way.

BANKER 1:"See Mahmoods' new bride? Rather attractive blonde.
Wonder what his family thinks."

BANKER 2:"REVERSE MAIL-ORDER.Wonder if she's been to dinner
yet."(mild chuckle)

by L.MARTIN October 27, 2005

FAME BUBBLE

The clubby,sheltered,cozy world of celebrity in which "THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" float...That is until the bubble pops.

CELEBRITY NEWS ANCHORCHIK:"When we come back...it appears that
K-FED has had his FAME BUBBLE
popped.We'll tell you by who...stay
with us!"

by L.MARTIN December 8, 2005

TWO DATE RULE

FOR AVERAGE JOE HETEROSEXUAL:The point at which if a woman has'nt decided to do you(Trust me.-She knows.)...END.ALL.CONTACT! Either she's not into you...or worse...she'll continue to let you waste money time and attention on her.Painful as it may be-turn the page.Helpful hint:The wealthier you become...the more the world looks like a catalog.

FOR LESBIANS & GAYS: Shorten this to the "TWO EYEBLINK RULE"
Lucky fux!

DUDE 1:"So you takin' Mandy out tonite?"

DUDE 2:"Hell no.She talks too much.She keeps reminding me how incredibly smart she is...And to top it off she's maxed out the "TWO DATE RULE".Next.

by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005