L.MARTIN's definitions

DIAMOND COMMERCIAL

When a man does something stupid a/o embarrasing a/o frivolous
for the "LOVE" of a woman.

OIL TRADER:..."So we're walking through the park...and we drop a blanket on the grass at the amphitheater...and as I
poured wine for us,I had JEFFREY OSBOURNE come out on stage and sing LOVE BALLAD...at which point I presented her with a 4ct. rock.-and a proposal.Cool,yeah?"

ARMS DEALER:"That is so fucking DIAMOND COMMERCIAL.Don't repeat it to anyone else.Congratulations."

by L.MARTIN December 5, 2005

PRE-NUP

A useless legal document easily voided by even the most average of divorce attorneys.What she does'nt get in alimony
or property settlement...she will more than get in CHILD SUPPORT.Why do you think she had them?

DIVORCEE'- "What are we gonna do? I stupidly signed that damn
pre-nup eight years ago.'The fuck was I thinking?"

ATTORNEY- "We're good.Courts care about the welfare of the
child over anything.Did I mention they don't
make you document where...or how you spend child
support payments? Little Emily is worth about
20 grand a month based on his present income.
The judge is a woman.I'll probably get you 25."

DIVORCEE'-"I think I love you."

ATTORNEY-"After this is over we'll do a weekend down in
St.Bartts.Bring your pill."

by L.MARTIN September 3, 2006

Diamond Cutter

PORN SLANG FOR A MALE PERFORMER WHO IS ABLE TO MAINTAIN A HARD ERECTION THROUGH THE ENTIRE SCENE.

"LEX WHIPPED OUT THE BIG DIAMOND CUTTER ON LITTLE BRIANNA.SHE GOT WIT' IT.GOOD FOOTAGE.PUT HER EYE OUT WITH THE MONEY SHOT."

by L.MARTIN September 15, 2005

BIRTH CONTROL

1)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that mysteriously becomes
less reliable for a woman-the wealthier a man is.
2)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that has been available-in
at least nine different forms to women-for now about
50 YEARS.(There's only two for men:Condom.Vasectomy.)This means nine different forms BEFORE you even
touch abortion or sterilization...But "unplanned"/unwanted
kids still get here.
3)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology-available more to women
than men.Yet newsmedia continues to blame men for
irresponsible breeding.Interesting.I've never met a man
who decided when a baby would be born.

SPORTS ANCHOR:"On the day of the draft-the now rich,young QUARTERBACK
found himself served with PATERNITY SUIT papers."

CHICK TO DUDE:"It's okay.I'm on the BIRTH CONTROL pill.My
doctor says I can't get pregnant anyway.I
just want to FEEL you."

SAME CHICK TO GIRLFRIEND 90 DAYS LATER:"I don't know how it
happened.I was'nt planning on this...but I
don't believe in abortion.Sooo..."

by L.MARTIN September 3, 2006

FREE

The overarching theme under which SEX would be re-designed...if men were in control.

TIPSY-ABOUT TO GET SHUT DOWN ON A DATE-LOSER:"Sex is just so poorly designed."(hiccup)

WOMAN:"Oh?"

LOSER:"Yep.It should be free!":
"Pregnancy free."
"Disease free."
"Barrier free."
"Commitment free."
"Drama free."
"Cost free."
"You know...FREE!"
"...And it should come in nice "8" or higher
packaging."

WOMAN:"Check please."

by L.MARTIN September 23, 2005

RED CUNT HAIR

A unit of measurement favored by old-school southern carpenters and general contractors.

CARPENTER 1:"Say fella...would you step back n' take a look at
n'see how this door fits?"

CARPENTER 2:"Hmmm...'bout a coupla RED CUNT HAIRS off the
bottom oughta' do it.Break out the sander."

by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005

RULE OF 123

ONE PHONE CALL: If she/he can't decide to get together after one phone call...it was'nt meant to be.Either they're not into you or worse...they're indecisive.

TWO DATES:If he/she is'nt in the bed of your choosing after two dates-(They know if they want you)-end all contact.Either they're not into you,or worse...they're indecisive attention whores.

THREE FUCKS:Get past the first two? Got him/her in bed? Good.Make it enjoyable for all involved...but at about that third session...someone will want to be involved more deeply.Time to bounce.Who's on deck?

DUDE 1:"Gina is hot...but whatever happened to Josie?"

DUDE 2:"She wanted commitment.I got a RULE OF 123 I tend to follow.Just was'nt in the cards."

by L.MARTIN October 3, 2005