L.MARTIN's definitions

PSYCHO STRIPPER PARADOX

You walk into a strip club flush with cash.Beautiful women take their clothes off and dance for you.One in particular
catches your eye.She's hot...charming...smart...and seemingly
level-headed.You know it's too good to be true.So does she.
Remember you're in a STRIP CLUB.You're paying women to behave
like their real-world polar opposite.She moves in...with her kid.Has yours.You're FUCKED.

INVESTMENT BANKER 1:"I've taken Mylene to dinner a coupla' times outside of this place.I'm thinkin' I might move her in.

IB2:"You'll beee sooorrry!Have'nt you ever heard of PSP?"

IB1:"PSP?"

IB2:"PSYCHO STRIPPER PARADOX.She's on her best behavior...until she moves in.Then
the fangs and the claws come out.
Been there."

by L.MARTIN January 29, 2006

THE IVY

One of a handful of LA restaurants where wannabe actors pretend
to be flush with cash...and proceed to max out their credit cards...in the futile hope that one of the true POWER DINERS will bother to give them the time of day.Sorry kid.He notices
you like he notices the waiter...only when he's annoying.

ACTRESS/MODEL/WAITRESS/YOGA CHIK:"Hey Tina...wanna go dutch on
lunch at THE IVY tommorrow?"

TINA:"Sure.We can go in my newly
leased Bmer.That way we can
valet."

by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005

HOLLYWOOD PROMISE

A worthless promise made to induce the desired behavior or manipulation.

AGENT:"Dammit Harvey! My clients' a wreck.I thought we left
that meeting with her in the lead with Brad Pitt."

HARVEY:"Sorry Ari.It was solid until Angelina saw her pictures
and balked.Forced her to take the role.Mishuga as that
may be...it worked.My bad about the HOLLYWOOD PROMISE
there...maybe I can get your girl a music video and
a Maxim cover.See 'ya at The Ivy."(click)

by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005

BIRTH CONTROL

1)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that mysteriously becomes
less reliable for a woman-the wealthier a man is.
2)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology that has been available-in
at least nine different forms to women-for now about
50 YEARS.(There's only two for men:Condom.Vasectomy.)This means nine different forms BEFORE you even
touch abortion or sterilization...But "unplanned"/unwanted
kids still get here.
3)An EXTREMELY RELIABLE technology-available more to women
than men.Yet newsmedia continues to blame men for
irresponsible breeding.Interesting.I've never met a man
who decided when a baby would be born.

SPORTS ANCHOR:"On the day of the draft-the now rich,young QUARTERBACK
found himself served with PATERNITY SUIT papers."

CHICK TO DUDE:"It's okay.I'm on the BIRTH CONTROL pill.My
doctor says I can't get pregnant anyway.I
just want to FEEL you."

SAME CHICK TO GIRLFRIEND 90 DAYS LATER:"I don't know how it
happened.I was'nt planning on this...but I
don't believe in abortion.Sooo..."

by L.MARTIN September 3, 2006

FREE

The overarching theme under which SEX would be re-designed...if men were in control.

TIPSY-ABOUT TO GET SHUT DOWN ON A DATE-LOSER:"Sex is just so poorly designed."(hiccup)

WOMAN:"Oh?"

LOSER:"Yep.It should be free!":
"Pregnancy free."
"Disease free."
"Barrier free."
"Commitment free."
"Drama free."
"Cost free."
"You know...FREE!"
"...And it should come in nice "8" or higher
packaging."

WOMAN:"Check please."

by L.MARTIN September 23, 2005

DIAMOND COMMERCIAL

When a man does something stupid a/o embarrasing a/o frivolous
for the "LOVE" of a woman.

OIL TRADER:..."So we're walking through the park...and we drop a blanket on the grass at the amphitheater...and as I
poured wine for us,I had JEFFREY OSBOURNE come out on stage and sing LOVE BALLAD...at which point I presented her with a 4ct. rock.-and a proposal.Cool,yeah?"

ARMS DEALER:"That is so fucking DIAMOND COMMERCIAL.Don't repeat it to anyone else.Congratulations."

by L.MARTIN December 5, 2005

Diamond Cutter

PORN SLANG FOR A MALE PERFORMER WHO IS ABLE TO MAINTAIN A HARD ERECTION THROUGH THE ENTIRE SCENE.

"LEX WHIPPED OUT THE BIG DIAMOND CUTTER ON LITTLE BRIANNA.SHE GOT WIT' IT.GOOD FOOTAGE.PUT HER EYE OUT WITH THE MONEY SHOT."

by L.MARTIN September 15, 2005