Hoze's definitions

Pastor

Pass-tor (n) middle english 1) an ignorant sonofabitch with a Bass boat; 2) a letch who gropes the loins and lucious breasts of Sunday school girls; 3) a man of god who doesn't file income tax returns; and 4) all of the above.

The new pastor porked all the deacon's daughters.

by hoze August 11, 2004

finger

Digits of the human hand that during courtship (with any luck) small lkie fish.

Knock-knock. "Who's there?" Wilma. "Wilma who?" Wilma finger do until I get my pants off.

by hoze October 25, 2004

Mazda

A Jap car company that has stubbornly hung with Dr. Oskermyer Weiner Wankel's rotary engine for decades longer than makes any sense. The early RX7's wheezed out about 31 horse power and produced less torque than a kid on a rocking horse. The last ones weren't much better, and did miserably in the marketplace. Equipped with more plumbing than Staten Island, rotaries can be made to made quite a few horse power for quite a few seconds. Their dying, although not worth the price of admission, is one resounding clunk followed by a colossal wheeze and a final fart. It musta taken some fantastic Gheshia blowjobs to persuade Ford to piss away millions on the latest incarnation of the would-up rubber band sounding rotary. Even mazda had sense enough to put pistons in the vast majority of their cars. Still, there's a few, very few, persnicketdy old fucks who want something inefficient and queer and Mazda's got every one of 'em in the bag.

Is that a cloud of cicadias I hear or did some queer turd just drive by in a Mazda?

by Hoze December 23, 2004

God

A clever old Jewish bastard who gets credit for all the good stuff, but eludes the blame for all the bad shit.

"When the tornado blew our trailer all the way to Pascagoula, thank God none of us was killed." WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP YOUR TRAILER, YOU STUPID CRACKER-ASS BITCH???????????

by Hoze April 23, 2004

Ducati

A motorcycle sought out by pretentious assholes who prefer wine to Jack Daniels. They hope that the Ducati is a conspicuous indicator of their riding ability along with their Victoria's Secret color coordinated soft leather suits. Unfortunately, the Duc, on the rare instances it will run, is a badge and incident of a lame ass pretender who knows absolutely nothing about motorcyles. They are made by a filthy subspecies of European -- the only ones on the continent who admired the fucking Nazi's.

A gay bar is to a Ducati like a bright light is to a bug.

by Hoze December 17, 2004

Richard Gere

When Hollywood wants to make yet another chick flick and doesn't want to pay for talent (why would you in a chick flick) Gere's name comes right up.

Director Hoib Goldbaum: "Say, lets make a movie with a mindless plot with shameless exploitation of every human emotion, depicting a lapdog husband under the control of a beautiful middle aged soccer mom who dresses well and has suspicously young children with fake southern accents."

Producer Sol Horowitz: "So you don't think Gere's already working?"

Goldbaum: "Working? Yeah, he's working with a gerbil!"

by Hoze December 25, 2004

DUI

(Dee'-you-aye) mod english, punctuation omitted, n., 1) a substiute for a powerful sports car; 2) substitute for racing lessons; 3) a driving technique, esp., for middle aged white men who "drive better drunk than most people do sober" that is useful in getting home before the wife figures out that you're porking the secretary.

One the forth DUI, you might get to be some niggaz bitch!

by Hoze April 24, 2004