When Hollywood wants to make yet another chick flick and doesn't want to pay for talent (why would you in a chick flick) Gere's name comes right up.
Director Hoib Goldbaum: "Say, lets make a movie with a mindless plot with shameless exploitation of every human emotion, depicting a lapdog husband under the control of a beautiful middle aged soccer mom who dresses well and has suspicously young children with fake southern accents."
Producer Sol Horowitz: "So you don't think Gere's already working?"
Goldbaum: "Working? Yeah, he's working with a gerbil!"
December 25, 2004
A tenured Economics professor.
Pretrial discovery is beginning -- have we hired a shitwig yet?
November 23, 2003
1) A spade with a machete
2) A Chink with some nunchukas
3) A border guard.
4) Any body with an assault rifle
1. No sir, I wasn't laughing at your girlfriend's ass.
2. Yes sir, that's a very attractive exhaust tip you have there.
3. No sir, I'm not bringing any drugs into Singapore.
4. Yes sir.
December 25, 2004
The breath of a vegetarian. They sit around smuggly odering carrot juice and similar shit, thinking that they're the cat's meow, when in fact, you could weld with their breath.
He: This Volvo was owned by a Professor.
She: How do you know?
He: can't you smell the ass breath?
December 20, 2004
A clever old Jewish bastard who gets credit for all the good stuff, but eludes the blame for all the bad shit.
"When the tornado blew our trailer all the way to Pascagoula, thank God none of us was killed." WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP YOUR TRAILER, YOU STUPID CRACKER-ASS BITCH???????????
Digits of the human hand that during courtship (with any luck) small lkie fish.
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" Wilma. "Wilma who?" Wilma finger do until I get my pants off.
The main thing that the cold prevents in Minnesota.
Say, Mom, we haven't screwed since the Truman administration, you betcha!
February 14, 2005