Hoze's definitions

Pastor

Pass-tor (n) middle english 1) an ignorant sonofabitch with a Bass boat; 2) a letch who gropes the loins and lucious breasts of Sunday school girls; 3) a man of god who doesn't file income tax returns; and 4) all of the above.

The new pastor porked all the deacon's daughters.

by hoze August 11, 2004

shitwig

A tenured Economics professor.

Pretrial discovery is beginning -- have we hired a shitwig yet?

by hoze November 23, 2003

screw

The main thing that the cold prevents in Minnesota.

Say, Mom, we haven't screwed since the Truman administration, you betcha!

by hoze February 14, 2005

car bomb

kar' bom <middle english> favorite weapon of goatfuckers the world over.

Yo, muhammad, I can't find our F-16, so lets just blow some kids up with a car bomb. Allah Akbar!

by hoze September 14, 2004

Mazda

A Jap car company that has stubbornly hung with Dr. Oskermyer Weiner Wankel's rotary engine for decades longer than makes any sense. The early RX7's wheezed out about 31 horse power and produced less torque than a kid on a rocking horse. The last ones weren't much better, and did miserably in the marketplace. Equipped with more plumbing than Staten Island, rotaries can be made to made quite a few horse power for quite a few seconds. Their dying, although not worth the price of admission, is one resounding clunk followed by a colossal wheeze and a final fart. It musta taken some fantastic Gheshia blowjobs to persuade Ford to piss away millions on the latest incarnation of the would-up rubber band sounding rotary. Even mazda had sense enough to put pistons in the vast majority of their cars. Still, there's a few, very few, persnicketdy old fucks who want something inefficient and queer and Mazda's got every one of 'em in the bag.

Is that a cloud of cicadias I hear or did some queer turd just drive by in a Mazda?

by Hoze December 23, 2004

Richard Gere

When Hollywood wants to make yet another chick flick and doesn't want to pay for talent (why would you in a chick flick) Gere's name comes right up.

Director Hoib Goldbaum: "Say, lets make a movie with a mindless plot with shameless exploitation of every human emotion, depicting a lapdog husband under the control of a beautiful middle aged soccer mom who dresses well and has suspicously young children with fake southern accents."

Producer Sol Horowitz: "So you don't think Gere's already working?"

Goldbaum: "Working? Yeah, he's working with a gerbil!"

by Hoze December 25, 2004

buick

A big hunking sonofabitch that gets about four miles to the gallon. Your mom and dad were likely conceived on the back seat of a Buick at a drive-in movie. Double cousins with a Oldsmobile, the Buick is the ride of choice of "Hoss" a gentleman who makes a tidy living bashing his Buick lengthwise through a variety of trailers, each of which he claims belongs to Tanya Hardings. He usually busts off a concussion granade when he hits the trailer, but in a way, that's poetic license. Think about it, fucker.

Wouldn't you really rather have a Buick? FUCK NO!!!!

by Hoze April 24, 2004