Fearman's definitions

hitmen

Adorable people. Whatever you do to them, you don't feel bad.

Comment on you average hitman:

I love hitmen. Whatever you do to them, you don't feel bad.

- Marv (Mickey Rourke) in Sin City (dirs. Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez, 2005).

by Fearman November 28, 2007

quick quacketty

An expression of revulsion at the readiness of some people to support pseudo-medicines like homeopathy or ayurvedic therapy, or pseudoscience generally.

She spent four hundred quid on vials of sugar water last weekend? Aww, quick quacketty!

by Fearman September 27, 2007

55

1. Orange drink Britvic tried flogging about twenty years ago.

2. Maximum age at which a woman generally looks sexy to a sex-starved guy in his late twenties.

3. Maximum speed it is safe to hover around on a 60 mph speed limit road with speed traps likely to be around the curve.

New Britvic 55, new Britvic 55, NEW!!!

She's still gorgeous at 55, and there's definitely no chance of knocking her up.

I'm doing 55. Better not push it with the cops out.

by Fearman November 20, 2007

Drowns Syndrome

Term used in referring to an urban myth according to which you may drown if you swim too soon after a meal; apparently you get a cramp and promptly go kerplunk to the bottom. The safe time after the meal, when you can safely swim again, is said to be one hour in Northern Europe, while in Hispanic culture it is often said to be three hours, which is longer than most people spend at the beach. Thought up way back when by some lazy mom who wanted to take a nap in the sun and couldn't bother her ass to look out for the kids; unfortunately it has entered the folk wisdom and some adults end up believing it. Cramps can actually afflict a person at any time and do not adversely affect one's buoyancy in the water. Neither do they do too much damage to your swimming skills, unless perhaps you are participating in an Olympic event. They are more likely to happen as a reaction to exposure to cold water. If you are in an environment where, perhaps due to currents, a cramp could be the difference between life and death, you shouldn't be there, cramps or no cramps. Just ask yourself; have you ever heard a pathologist or coroner announce that the cause of someone's death was "swimming on a full stomach"? No, I didn't think so.

Jimmy was running and screaming along the shore and his mommy was feeling lazy and couldn't be bothered looking out for him, so she invoked Drowns Syndrome.

by Fearman September 27, 2007

Hell

1. Town in Nebraska slightly to the west of Heck but east of Motherfuckingcrapdagger.

2. A place they send you when you die for posting those adverts for religions or religiously connected material on the right of an Urbandictionary page. Yes, this includes Scientology.

3. Accurate description of the surface of the planet Venus, although on Venus there aren't that many guys in kinky suits with pitchforks.

4. The most terrible place most people can imagine. Like a boarding school on Sunday, only funnier.

5. A place you invoke after you discover that the bottle of absinthe that cost you over a hundred Euro shattered in transit.

6. Rumoured to be the subtitle of the latest version of Microsoft Word.

7. Place where you go, according to Gary Larson, to play the accordion for eternity.

8. A place where there are fires everywhere but it's dark. It's either very very hot or very very cold. You burn up ... forever. If there was any possibility of it being real it wouldn't have to be portrayed as anywhere near as nasty.

We're in Hell, and the good news is the population is only 301.

Now that line on Hell oughta stop them ... I wish.

Venus is Hell, Earth is Heaven.

I thought I was back in boarding school on a Sunday, but it turns out I'm only in Hell. That's a relief.

Hell! My best absinthe!

Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wait while Microsoft Hell loads. Please wa

by Fearman April 23, 2008

multimortamicrocanisequiphobia

Morbid fear of becoming the defendant in a class action suit taken on behalf of a large number of dead chihuahuas. Or by a large number of undead chihuahuas.

By the time you find yourself suffering from multimortamicrocanisequiphobia, it's time to decompress.

by Fearman November 22, 2007

catpiss

Nonsense, balderdash. Tiresome old pseudo-argument regurgitated ad nauseam.

She was giving me the same old catpiss about how she couldn't get to work on time because she'd never expected the traffic to be so heavy.

by Fearman November 11, 2007