Fearman's definitions

couch gag

The joke towards the end of the opening credits to The Simpsons. Each week (or most weeks) something different happens when the family rush into the living room to watch the TV.

Various examples of the Couch Gag: the couch turns into a monster that swallows the family once they sit on it ... the end wall with the couch retreats down an increasingly long tunnel and they keep chasing after it ... Santa's Little Helper (their dog) is already sitting on the couch and snarls, hair bristling, as they close in ... the family crash into each other and break into little pieces on the floor with a noise like shattering porcelain.

by Fearman August 14, 2007

Tom Cruise

I'm in love (yippee!!!) and I hate psychiatrists (fucking nut jobs, all of them, ALL OF THEM), who are out to control the world (trembles for a few moments) and drop hydrogen bombs on everybody (BIG ones, yeahhh). Hey, have you seen my girlfriend? (BOINNNGGG!!) I'm wild! You're cool, too! (Pulls hair out, laughs.) No, seriously? Oh. (Grows sullen.) Oh. (Grows REALLY sullen.) Oh. Why would you want to do that to me? No, seriously, why would you want to do that to me? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that to me? (Jumps up on couch, pulls dramatic stance, couch falls backward, he crawls up to kneel on the front of the seat.) They've hated me ever since I played a veteran of the Great Galactic War between the Thetans and the Engrammatised Ones. (Goes boggle-eyed, cackles, shrieks ...,) We're all going to be bigger than Oprah! (YAY!) And it makes me sick, you know that? Why isn't everyone looking at me RIGHT NOW? And you know what? I'm NOT GAY!!! Mimi! Ha! Nicole! Ha! Penelope! Ha! Katie, aww, KATIIEEE!!! Ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa! Here, I can lick my own balls, seriously. Just watch me ... (Licks own balls, audience stampede out of the auditorium.)

The above was a party political broadcast on behalf of Tom Cruise.

by Fearman April 16, 2008

poubelle cuisine

Punning French reference (appeared in one French movie, I forget which) to rubbishy food, especially oversold rubbishy food. A poubelle is a rubbish bin. Hence poubelle cuisine as opposed to nouvelle cuisine, geddit?

There, and we take the scrapings from the bin liner, mix it in with a few tabs of stale butter, microwave it for five minutes and they won't know the difference. Voila, poubelle cuisine.

by Fearman February 10, 2008

Venus

2. Second planet from the sun. Almost the size of Earth. At various points in the two planets' orbits it is visible in Earth's sky as the so-called morning or evening star. A runaway greenhouse effect has generated temperatures at the surface of around 480 degrees Centigrade, under an atmospheric pressure of around 90 bars, equivalent to the water pressure nearly one kilometre under the sea on Earth. Atmosphere mainly carbon dioxide, contains notable amounts of sulphur dioxide. Sulphuric acid virga (rain that re-evaporates in mid-air) falls from cloud deck about 30 miles above the surface. Diameter about 7,500 miles. Most surface features named for historic or mythical women. Various interesting surface features mapped by the Magellan probe's radar technology. Surface gravity 90 percent of that on Earth. No natural satellites. On current theories, Venus may be a portent of future conditions on Earth's surface as the sun brightens in ages to come. It may also serve as a warning of the (relatively modest but still highly undesirable) effects that carbon dioxide emissions by human industry may have on our own planetary environment.

2. The planet's namesake is the ancient Roman goddess of love, sex and beauty. Modelled on the Greek Aphrodite. One thoroughly industrial-strength bodacious babe. Shag her and die ... or die and shag her, whichever. Compare this image with the nature of the planet's surface and ponder that, as Freddie Mercury once put it, love kills.

Venus is looking really nice in the evening sky tonight.

Oh, Venus, please let me have Aurelia Calypyggia in my bed tonight.

by Fearman May 10, 2008

New Killer Weapons

Some new-fangled type of arms that "President" George Bush II tends to worry about a lot, or so he says.

Mah fellow Americans, there is plenny of evidence that Ee-rak, Afghanistan and perhaps Venezuela all have New Killer Weapons.

by Fearman February 24, 2008

Christopher Walken

Quirky and slightly mental-looking Hollywood actor. Hasn't got nearly as many good roles as he should. Look out for him in David Cronenberg's The Dead Zone, Spielberg's Catch Me if you Can or in the movie of Ian McEwan's The Comfort of Strangers.

Watch out. Here comes a Christopher Walken character.

by Fearman December 17, 2007

albuproboscideaphobia

Morbid or irrational fear of receiving a gift that is more trouble than it is worth.

She doesn't even send Christmas cards any more. She's that terrified of what she might get back. Bad touch of albuproboscideaphobia.

by Fearman March 6, 2008