Fearman's definitions

flip-flopping

In American politics, something Republicans accuse Democrats of doing when they're too dizzy from doing it themselves.

My fellow Americans, you know you can trust me more than that flip-flopping Democrat Clinton when I tell you this was in Iraq was about freedom, no, hold on a moment, it was about weapons of mass destruction, no, hold on, it was for democracy, no, it was about the Kurds, yeah, that was it, it was about the Kurds. Not about oil or God or any of that stuff. Excuse me, I'm off to bed now.

by Fearman January 15, 2008

Frankenphobia

Morbid irrational fear of biotechnology and/or its products. Endlessly incited by born-again hippie fundamentalists, who would prefer us all to live like Freddie Flintstone. From Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (an endlessly quoted popular reference) and the suffix -phobia.

Morning Flower is spreading her Frankenphobia around again, telling everyone genetically modified tomatoes are bad for their children.

When are these very very trendy people going to accept that Frankenphobia is soooooo yesterday?

by Fearman January 6, 2008

Silver Shamrock

Fictitious mask company in the third instalment in the Hallowe'en franchise, "Season of the Witch" (the one without Mr. Myers). The masks are the colours of the Irish national flag (orange Jack-O-Lantern, white skull, green witch), and are made by a company in a weird all-Oirish town on the coast of California. On activation by a signal on the big night, the masks transform their (numerous) wearers' heads into so many divers creepy-crawlies. The Silver Shamrock company wins the booby prize for the most irritating television jingle ever inflicted on the world in fact or fiction; a countdown to the tune of "London Bridge is Falling Down", starting "(x) days to Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en". I had it in my head for WEEKS. The head of the company is played by an actor from Wexford, Ireland, and incidentally as far as I can tell is the only figure in the history of American horror films to pronounce Samhain correctly.

Four days left to Hallowe'en,
Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en,
Four more days to Hallowe'en,
Silver Shamrock!

by Fearman February 10, 2008

Charlton Heston

The gentleman who appeared in the original Planet of the Apes movie, and recently handed in his firearms.

Ain't nobody shot the ducky like Charlton Heston.

by Fearman April 10, 2008

Roger Moore

In the Bond franchise, the equivalent of one of those Chinese dinners. You'll want to watch his movies again and again ... and ten minutes after the end credits, you'll wonder why. How he managed to swing a record seven Bond movies is one of the universe's most arcane mysteries. The only Bond actor who could have made Richard Kiel's "Jaws" look good. Christopher Walken gave him one wrinkle too many in his last Bond outing, and Moore was mercifully retired.
On the plus side, he won quadruple gold in the 1952 Olympic Games ... in that sadly forgotten event, the eyebrow-raise.

Good evening, darling. The name's Moore. Roger Moore. I hear you throw pots. (Looks down lewdly and VERY obviously, glimpse of his pearly teeth, eyebrows raised). Ah, yes, and you have two gorgeous jugs as well. Shall we dine at the Ritz, my dear?

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Ballymoreau

Hick town or boghole in the backwoods of Ireland so dangerously rustic that you'd think some mad scientist had engineered the locals from a herd of Frisians. From H.G. Wells' Island of Dr. Moreau.

We're in Ballymoreau, County Carlow. Let's get out of here.

by Fearman March 4, 2008

Satan

A man of wealth and taste. (After the Rolling Stones.) His role is much maligned. He actually keeps his minions from sticking in the pitchforks that much harder.

Satan:
Allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste.

by Fearman October 8, 2007