matterbation 

The stroking of a matter vigorously back and forth in your cerebrum with great intensity until conclusion.
Materbation without conclusion causes great pain and discomfort.

I was struggling with matterbation as to wether she really cared for me. As I reached "conclusion" I realized to my pleasure that she did.

matterbation by Steven Wylie August 5, 2006

Matterbation 

an individual that jerks off in the washroom at work

Matt disappears daily for a good vigorous session of Matterbation

Matterbation by dumbass1 June 1, 2015

Comedic Masturbation 

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.

My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.

Comedic Masturbation by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016

Bureaucratic Masturbation 

noun - 1. Engaging in any activity for the sake of making one feel better about themselves, their organization, or their company without actually accomplishing anything. 2. Holding meetings to provide recommendations only to have management do what they wanted in the first place. 3. Holding special work group meetings to make the 'little people' feel ownership, when the decision has already been made by higher levels of management.

My boss has picked me to suffer through more Bureaucratic Masturbation, representing the department on a policy work group.
I spent the last 3 months researching the best candidate for the position and the Boss picked his pet employee anyway. God I hat Bureaucratic Masturbation!

Bureaucratic Masturbation by Bill Koogler January 17, 2008

Masturbation guilt 

The sense of guilt you feel post-masturbation when you realized what you have just jerked yourself off to.

"Oh God, what have I done? I did not just masturbate to bestiality.. talk about masturbation guilt.

Masturbation guilt by GunaDK January 19, 2012

Mathurbation 

(n) The act of doing math and loving it.

After engaging in mutual mathurbation, Johnny and Sally walked away laughing with many equations in hand.

Mathurbation by MATHCAMP09 July 31, 2009

Public Masturbation 

The reason I am no longer allowed on public transportation.

I definitely should not have participated in Public masturbation on that subway.

Public Masturbation by thepseudonymousbosch February 21, 2017