loafism
Loafism:
(one who practices Loafism shall be called a Loafismer)
You may ask, how does one become a Loafismer? Well, an angel has this to say upon the very subject: "At worship services new members may be initiated into Loafism, if found acceptable." there are no other requirements because we don't need a better reason.
A set of beliefs one can follow, but you really don't have to, these are purely suggestions.
Loafism and the Individual:
A List of commandments:
-Thou shall worship ska, the holiest form of prayer
-Thou shall play more than one musical instrument
-Thou shall worship thine holiest form of transport, the Loafmobile (hazard lights and windshield wipers are not optional and driving forwards or using the gear symbolized by a number or the letter "D" is also generally frowned upon, seatbelts required or you may become the target of shoefu, explained later)
-Thou shalt not underestimate the awesome power of sleep
-Thou shalt not perform chores, or appear to find solace in chores
-Thou Shalt not enjoy homework.... ever!
If you fail to heed these
You may end up getting yourself "Loafed"
Loafed: to be punched suddenly for an insult and or any form of disrespect. Unless the offense annoys the crap out of a fellow Loafismer, then the ritual of ShoeFu ensues, but one can forgo protocol and just skip Loafing, because there really isn't a protocol!
ShoeFu: "The national sport of Loafism which is practiced throughout most worship sessions. This competition takes place whenever a believer may get on another’s nerve, or may be practiced purely for amusement. The act of ShoeFu is accomplished by removing one’s own foot apparel and bludgeoning another fellow Loafismer."
(one who practices Loafism shall be called a Loafismer)
You may ask, how does one become a Loafismer? Well, an angel has this to say upon the very subject: "At worship services new members may be initiated into Loafism, if found acceptable." there are no other requirements because we don't need a better reason.
A set of beliefs one can follow, but you really don't have to, these are purely suggestions.
Loafism and the Individual:
A List of commandments:
-Thou shall worship ska, the holiest form of prayer
-Thou shall play more than one musical instrument
-Thou shall worship thine holiest form of transport, the Loafmobile (hazard lights and windshield wipers are not optional and driving forwards or using the gear symbolized by a number or the letter "D" is also generally frowned upon, seatbelts required or you may become the target of shoefu, explained later)
-Thou shalt not underestimate the awesome power of sleep
-Thou shalt not perform chores, or appear to find solace in chores
-Thou Shalt not enjoy homework.... ever!
If you fail to heed these
You may end up getting yourself "Loafed"
Loafed: to be punched suddenly for an insult and or any form of disrespect. Unless the offense annoys the crap out of a fellow Loafismer, then the ritual of ShoeFu ensues, but one can forgo protocol and just skip Loafing, because there really isn't a protocol!
ShoeFu: "The national sport of Loafism which is practiced throughout most worship sessions. This competition takes place whenever a believer may get on another’s nerve, or may be practiced purely for amusement. The act of ShoeFu is accomplished by removing one’s own foot apparel and bludgeoning another fellow Loafismer."
loafism by Kevin Hamilton December 15, 2008
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