The Coconut Crab. Possibly the scariest mutha f*ckin' crustacean that ever ruled The Seven Seas. It climbs Trees, Grabs a coconuts with a big-ass claw, Then drops to ground where it can eat it and other food such as nuts, fruits, and THE SOULS OF MANKIND! Coconut crabs tend to range in size from 16 inches to COLOSSAL DOOM! Despite being a crab it can't breathe underwater and Drowns. Instead of Lungs The Coconut Crab has a branchiostegal lung Which is a mix of Lungs and gills which proves its evolving to conquer Land and Sea. It has 10 legs freaky claws that allow it to climb upsi-freakin'-down, an unbreakable shell And Two Scary ass Claws, one Scarier assed than the other! The only way to protect oneself from this MONSTROSITY Is by living in a hot air balloon... Forever... Until you die. Yeah, Their that Freakin, Scary...
Toby: Hey! I just bought a hot air balloon!
Erik: Just in time too! Coconut crabs Are taking over the Planet!
(As Fire Engulfs the city the duo flee the city)
Toby: We made it! We'll Live forever!
Erik: Toby... I'm Secretly a coconut crab...
by B00G3RFAC3! August 02, 2012
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