Gloucestershire Ringtoss 

The process by which, over the course of several years, a distinguished gentleman collects a substantial amount of knobcheese and forms it into a disc weighing several pounds. This must then be entered as the rolling cheese in the Gloucestershire cheese rolling competition, which is particularly difficult considering that it has been made by the same woman since 1988. To overcome this, one may either stealthily switch the cow-cheese with the man-cheese at any point in the process or convince the woman by sob story that the cheese was made by your dying mother who only ever wanted to see it rolled downhill or something, preferably using a starved puppy as a visual aid. Unbeknownst to anyone involved, however, one will have carved a hole in the cheese just wider than the diameter of your dick, hidden under the paper ribbons that wrap it. This is because you will, at the point it is thrown down hill, burst out from the crowds at the bottom and attempt to catch it on your dick, which should burst through the ribbons like a triumphant Olympic athlete, before you are then crushed by the waves of tumbling shire-folk.

‘A great race this year in which everyone died and finally someone got his dick out’ – The Gloucester Citizen

‘The Gloucestershire Ringtoss has finally been completed. The process has begun. Humankind’s dusk approacheth.’ – Mysterious man in cloak from The Royal Society of Go Away

Gloucestershire Ringtoss by 535 February 21, 2012