To perform a Fijian Lava Lamp with your good lady, you will need:
A large carton of Pineapple juice (with bits), a bottle of hot sauce, a Bounty
bar and a funnel. Get her to hop on all fours and raise that ass right up in the
air. Pop in the funnel and deliver a soothing
pineapple enema. Plug her with the bounty bar. Now, shag her vigorously from behind and when approaching peak, whip out the bounty and squeeze in a generous serving of fiery hot chilli sauce. As her burn builds and you shoot your
wad, lower your
head over her bubbling pineappley ringer and prepare for a cataclysmic volcanic ass eruption right in your boat race - a la, a Fijian Lava Lamp.
NB. Should you not wish to take the full eruption facially, when expunged into a large
Martina glass, a Fijian Lava Lamp makes a fabulous pre-dinner cocktail.
LUKE: Whoa Brian! Your eyes are red as fuck this morning. Did you not get much sleep last
night?
BRIAN: No mate, Slept like a baby. It was that Fijian Lava Lamp that I gave the missus last
night. The pyroclastic
flow got me right in the peepers.
