To show off your wealth by buying something incredibly stupid, to buy something for its glamour rather than its practicality, flexity over quality
Luke: Hey man, that's a nice jacket, was that a flex purchase?
Liam: Yeah, this poor dude was standing next to me.
Liam: Yeah, this poor dude was standing next to me.
by ahsibfilm May 1, 2016
Get the flex purchasemug. Random person 1: Oh hey guys.. I got some new AirPods, I can listen to music with GOOD QUALITY now!
Random person 2: Ugh why the fuck are you flexing
Random person 2: Ugh why the fuck are you flexing
by itsarga January 21, 2020
Get the Flexmug. This Guy is the Boddest guy ever.
No CAP.
Cool person, holds it down for anybody but if u mess with him he will cut u off. Mo Flex is cute, tall most of the times
He's simply Mr. steal yo girl. So attractive, tends to cheat a lot but all the girls still crush on him.
No CAP.
Cool person, holds it down for anybody but if u mess with him he will cut u off. Mo Flex is cute, tall most of the times
He's simply Mr. steal yo girl. So attractive, tends to cheat a lot but all the girls still crush on him.
by 32453qa July 17, 2018
Get the Mo Flexmug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. "Zack was totally "Gamer Flexing" about all his Platinum Trophies he got, but I don't believe him one bit."
by umber_hulk February 6, 2020
Get the Gamer Flexingmug. Kara's muscular thighs made waves as she walked across the room and I couldn't help but admire them. I would define what they did as auto-flexing.
by Amelia Wysocki August 15, 2021
Get the Auto-Flexingmug. by thewhat606 April 19, 2018
Get the flexmug.