A half-functioning fishing captain powered by nicotine, meth, and pure coastal paranoia. Captain Crank is the guy screaming about government satellites while freebasing off tin foil in the engine room of a rusted-out commercial boat—or chain-smoking through a guided trip while cussing at seagulls and mumbling about “the deep state tracking red snapper migrations.”
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
“We thought he was just passionate… until Captain Crank started yelling about fluoride in the chum.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
by Pary Moppins August 3, 2025
Get the Captain Crank mug.by Kayakayak January 26, 2019
Get the Cranked a yankee mug.bob: yo wuts up
jimbobbyson: yo letz crank it bro dog r:\
bob: yuhhhh get da lighter
jimbobbyson: where da pen at doew
jimbobbyson: yo letz crank it bro dog r:\
bob: yuhhhh get da lighter
jimbobbyson: where da pen at doew
by jimbomanlimboman February 17, 2021
Get the crank it mug.by Trap Gawd J December 28, 2013
Get the crank mug.The waxy buildup in your nose that you get from snorting some weak ass shit that your "cool" friend got for you. It results from dope being stepped on so many times that it basically becomes a homeopathic remedy rather than a drug.
by twilyth June 28, 2009
Get the crank booger mug."Where's Gilligan at? I haven't seen him in a few days"
"Oh, he's on a serious bender right now. Bought some Biker Crank and has been going sicko mode ever since, he's practically a brain-dead goblin boy now"
"Oh, he's on a serious bender right now. Bought some Biker Crank and has been going sicko mode ever since, he's practically a brain-dead goblin boy now"
by MLGEESUS October 5, 2022
Get the Biker Crank mug.When markiplier jorks it
"I am not cranking it" - markiplier, "Five Nights at Freddy's: The Secret of the Mimic - Part 2" ts15:22
by froggyfroggy2000 June 19, 2025
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