Awkward Tortoise

A two-person awkward turtle.

Based off of the hilarious biology video of tortoises engaging in... mature behavior and grunting while an excited guy with an accent watches.

Friend: Awkward turtle!!
*does awkward turtle*
You: Awkward tortoise!!!!!!!!
*does awkward turtle on top of friend's awkward turtle, moving up and down and grunting*

by jumpin4jesus February 15, 2009

Rigamortis Tortoise

A Rigamortis Tortoise is a vile and disgusting creature. Often cold and calloused, Rigamortis Tortoise can disgust even the most hardcore of people. Rigamortis Tortoise often has an undeserved sense of entitlement caused by birth.

We caught Rigamortis Tortoise walking out of the morgue with a bottle of astroglide and a pink dildo. That disgusting vermin.

by Jachoff Witme May 27, 2010

freeze the tortoise

To stop a conversation, because a) someone has said something incredibly awkward and/or disturbing or b) the conversation is inevitably leading that way.

When Mikey told me to "guard my carnal treasure" it really froze the tortoise.

by The Bard of Anon May 18, 2005

Tortoise Kisses

When two guys really love and respect each other, they might show it by lightly touching the tips of their penises together in a display of trust, friendship and understanding.

Bill and Jeff are in the back giving each other tortoise kisses. They're really good friends.

by TortoiseKisses January 21, 2011

Ford Tortoise

Slang for FORD TAURUS.

When my stupid ex-wife divorced me, I was sable to trade up from our old Ford Tortoise station wagon to a brand new Ford Rustang GT!

by Car-roll Shelby July 22, 2006

The Tortoise

When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did

Hey dude... After I left with that chick last night.. I was totally the Tortoise.. I got there before the hair !

by John Detlor March 20, 2009

Walking Tortoise Head

An extreme case of Turtle Head, in which the victim is forced to take sliding baby steps and clench their butt cheeks in order to avoid a full on pant's crapping episode.

You suddenly realize you have turtle head. You leave your desk and take several steps towards the restroom only to experience the second stage of Turtle Head called, "Walking Tortoise Head". You clench your butt cheeks together and make baby steps praying for the strength and the luck to make it to the toilet in time to release this angry monster.

by Caedis T Yo May 7, 2011