Curb Hermits (noun) —
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
A subspecies of urban cryptid known for their sacred ritual of chain-smoking Marlboros on the same section of curb every day like it’s their personal throne of apathy.
These nicotine-powered philosophers emerge from unknown crevices at odd hours to contemplate life, loudly overshare trauma, and yell “you got a light?” at passing pigeons. Their natural enemies include: showers, employment, and any form of productive behavior.
Found primarily outside gas stations, 24-hour liquor stores, and anywhere weed smells like regret, Curb Hermits operate on a strict diet of American Spirits, Monster Energy, and unmedicated chaos.
Do not approach unless you’re offering a cigarette, gossip, or existential despair.
In the wild:
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
“Bro, don’t make eye contact with the Curb Hermits outside 7-Eleven. One of them asked me what year it was and then tried to sell me a dreamcatcher made of gum wrappers.”
by Heyitspatt May 29, 2025
Get the Curb Hermitsmug. by Devilishdeity July 22, 2023
Get the Curb Turkeymug. The act of installing quick build physical barriers between traffic and cyclists. Something made out of those concrete barriers found in parking spots and pylons.
by fmoon1998 March 29, 2023
Get the Curb-plunkmug. by emoafrican May 7, 2024
Get the Closer Look Curbmug. by StingerSplash April 3, 2020
Get the Curb stompmug. A female roadman. Tomboy. They're athletic, chill with mandem. Often seen wearing black Airforce 1, eyelash extensions. Enjoys vaping or smoking joints on electric scooters.
by Sausagero11 September 8, 2022
Get the Curb Chickmug. Mysterious beings that remove items for possible repurpose from one’s curb the day before trash day.
Place that old coffee table out tonight. The curb fairies will snag it long before the trash man comes tomorrow.
by RouseMeNot February 22, 2022
Get the Curb Fairiesmug.