A fictional character who is the figure head of the Christian faith. One of 4,200 religions here on planet earth. There is absolutely no historical evidence at all that he ever existed. None. Jesus didn't die on a cross as it is physically impossible to nail a human to a crucifix and that human defeat gravity. Jesus was not born without his father impregnating his mother, that is completely impossible and goes against anything science and medicine tells the human race today. Jesus and his cultists do not believe in science or medicine. Logic and common sense are also viewed as an attack on "faith" which allows his followers, especially here in the States of America, to cry and bitch about ANYONE who disagrees with their infantile bullshit. Jesus was invented so that Christians could control other humans, especially women. This is also a common thread in almost all religions which not only degrade women, it allows wars to be fought in his name killing millions of non combatants and blaming other religions for being somehow wrong. Catholics use Jesus to rape and sexually assault under age boys by the tens of thousands while their supposed conduit to "heaven" turns a blind eye to the cancer. They would rather murder women for getting an abortion than stop all of the pedophiles infesting their church. Jesus is also a grift for churches here in the States of America.
Soldier 1: Oh man, that was a close one! That almost hit me!
Soldier 2: Jesus fucking christ that was close!
Some zealot: Do you have Jesus in your heart?
Poor bastard: No it's blood. Who the fuck is Jesus?!
Joel Osteen: Jesus has a plan for you!
My asshole: Joel, go fuck yourself you goddamn Jesus grifter!!
Soldier 2: Jesus fucking christ that was close!
Some zealot: Do you have Jesus in your heart?
Poor bastard: No it's blood. Who the fuck is Jesus?!
Joel Osteen: Jesus has a plan for you!
My asshole: Joel, go fuck yourself you goddamn Jesus grifter!!
by Asymmetric shits for trump September 29, 2022
Jesus is a god name. Although a lot of people have this name it is very unique. Jesus is a very trustworthy person you can trust him on anything and he knows he can trust you. Jesus well treat you right if you treat him right. He is powerful in many certain ways. Jesus can be there whenever you want he is a nice person,and he can protect you.he is a special person. He can be a little bit dorky but just to make you Lough.
by Jiisuspo July 17, 2018
He's dumb as fuck. Nothing else and tends to be a piece of shit that lies to his friends, even the ones closest to him.
Jesus is shit.
by YeetMaster5960 October 02, 2020
also known "Papi J" this alien being from another universe is usually a very nice person although other people may refer to him as God He isn't although He is a top D.
Jesu bless you
by thatonerandomguyonurbandict October 22, 2023
by Kdiz August 16, 2021
"Jesus" is a very common name for Hispanic population Jesus is one of the best friend you'll ever have loyal will always be there for you no matter in what place you in or anything. Will make you laugh and smile no matter. Loving and caring always puts others before him self. Loves one person and one person only even tho they fuck thing's up they'll always try there best to fix it and start all over again from the top. will always get what they want if they set there mind to it no matter what.
by Urmom456200 November 23, 2021