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Certified Jackass

A person who consistently acts like a dumbass but thinks of himself as a smartass. A certified Jackass may never be thankful, no matter how nice someone has been to him.

In other words, a Certified Jackass is someone who shows traits of a Jackass on a regular basis.
Person: I left you an a treat on your desk
Certified Jackass: Does that mean you are ass kissing me now?
Person: Great! So instead of thanking, you are going to be a Certified Jackass that you are!
by Smurf with Blue Eye Liner June 16, 2012
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Certified Hipster

A person who follows the latest trends and fashions; being outside the cultural mainstream.
Angie Zarate is, what many call, a certified hipster.
by philomela March 14, 2015
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Certified Funny

Wait for it, I think we just hit it. This is certified funny
by Pieceofshit43 May 6, 2020
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certified stfu moment

when you prove someone they are so wrong they aren't replying back.

(inspired by the certified hood classic meme)
Person A: You saw the photo of the doe sacrificing herself to save her offspring from tigers?
Person B: Yes, what about it? and it is not a doe it is an antelope, and the two other animals are cheetahs.
Person A: Ah yes you must be so smart, and what's the difference?

Person B: They don't live in the same environment, moreover the doe has a chance to outrun a tiger, a cheetah goes twice its speed.

Person A: (does not reply)

-> This is a certified stfu moment
by Take my JEJ March 22, 2023
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certified bag chaser

Someone’s who’s always chasing that bag relentlessly
Jesse: AYO I think I’m a certified bag chaser?
Jeremy: nah ur cappin
Jesse: nah fr bro, I do decks, concrete and Christmas lights
Jeremy: aight u are not only a fucking certified bag chaser, you’re the JACK of all trades holy shit
Jesse: told you bro, gotta get GTA 6 for my menacing son
by Anonymous1946373 July 26, 2023
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Boilers Certificate

The achievement given for having sex with a woman thats double your age.
Simon: "Hey Calum, how old was that woman last night?"

Calum: "54"

Simon: "Finally got your boilers certificate, hey?"

Calum: "HIGH 5!"
by ineedanameffs February 21, 2011
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craigslist gift certificate

Guy 1: Let's get our married friends this nice cutlery set.

Guy 2: No bra, let's just put a craigslist gift certificate in a card.
Guy 1: Good idea.
by each October 27, 2011
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