fpoon
A fpoon is a hybrid utensil that combines both the properties of a fork and a spoon. It has been documented for its unique ability to attract and consequently result in cranial damage, notably among cosplayers who dress in formal black attire. This death involves using a fpoon by holding it with the index finger in a random alley, then reciting "This is this and that's that" a limbillion times.
I have nothing but my fpoon and I want nothing more. It has been, it still is, faithful to me.
Why should I begrudge it, since during the hours when my soul crushed the depths of my heart, it was seated there beside me?
O fpoon, I have ended, you see, by respecting you, because I am certain you will never leave me.
Ah! I realize it: your beauty lies in the force of your being. You are like those who never left the sad fireside corner of my poor black heart.
O my fpoon, you are better than a well-beloved: because I know that on the day of my final agony, you will be there, lying in my sheets, O fpoon, so that you might once again attempt to enter my heart.
Why should I begrudge it, since during the hours when my soul crushed the depths of my heart, it was seated there beside me?
O fpoon, I have ended, you see, by respecting you, because I am certain you will never leave me.
Ah! I realize it: your beauty lies in the force of your being. You are like those who never left the sad fireside corner of my poor black heart.
O my fpoon, you are better than a well-beloved: because I know that on the day of my final agony, you will be there, lying in my sheets, O fpoon, so that you might once again attempt to enter my heart.
fpoon by Mr. Wellington the Third April 14, 2026
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