schmakespeare

the act of talking in a way similar to shakespeare/1600s english

'i can schmakespeare if i need to. like:

"those fries are unequivocally fuckin bussin"

or

"not for lack of rain, for mine eyes do provide that modest luxury"

by Green retro panda April 18, 2023

Shaftspeare

The surname of a Renaissance English bisexual man with an especially massive, stiff, and pointy penis who left a trail of bleeding lovers of both sexes with torn orifices in his wake. He was responsible for many fatal hemorrhages but was never identified and brought to justice. He successfully obscured his identity by dressing like William Shakespeare and reciting sonnets. Preceding Jack the Ripper by several hundred years, he may have provided him with inspiration. Jack the Ripper is reputed to have said, "a rip of the neck out-bleeds a tear of the bum any day. Shaftspeare was a prick."

Shaftspeare fucked her in the ass, tearing her rectum and anus, as he asked, "Do you like the rhythm? It's iambic pentameter" Being a fan of Shakespeare, she whimpered, "yes, your metering is impeccably timed" as she grew pale and faint and bled out.

by Velvet Tongue January 15, 2026