The Goon Machine

A guy who ejaculates 15+ times a day.

I saw "The Goon Machine."

by the dirty 6 7 meister October 21, 2025

Chula Vista Gumball Machine

The act of swirling your tongue in said person'a butthole making it loose then insert a quarter in your partner's urethra.

My home boy gave a Chula Vista Gumball Machine

by Francoux October 24, 2025

Vanilla Ice Cream Machine

A threesome involving at least two men. Both men ejaculate inside the third person. Then, they swap and suck each other's semen out of the third person.

Rick and Mick got super freaky with Sara and performed a vanilla ice cream machine.

by JulianKrauseLover97 November 1, 2025

Fairfax Fax Machine

When ur doin some long distance thang with a chick (or dude wtv), and you shit in a bag and freeze it, then ship it to your partner. Your partner then pisses in said bag, re freezes it and mails it back to you. You then piss on it and refreeze it and mail it back. Yall do this until the object has reached a prefered diamter, where you the meet up in person and use it as a double sided dildo, and leave it in until it melts.

Me and my long distance gf have got a Fairfax Fax Machine goin on rn.

by Wichita Wanker November 8, 2025

orphan crushing machine

A theoretical device referenced when someone performs an act of generosity of kindness that is only possible because a horrible system has been normalized. Usually seen in "feel good" stories in the news where a child sells a collection so they can afford cancer treatment or a military veteran receives a prosthesis because of a GoFundMe.

Local man saves 500 orphans from the orphan crushing machine!

That's great news! Wait... why is there a machine that crushes orphans?

by v022 December 5, 2025

Long-Duration Motion Machines

Long-Duration Motion Machines are hypothetical devices designed to operate for extremely long periods without external energy input, while still respecting known conservation laws and thermodynamics. Unlike perpetual motion machines, they do not claim infinite operation or energy creation. Instead, they rely on ultra-slow energy dissipation, delayed equilibration, environmental energy harvesting, or probabilistic and extraphysical mechanisms. The key distinction is that long-duration machines eventually stop, while perpetual motion machines violate physical laws by claiming endless motion or energy output. These machines are often discussed in theoretical engineering, speculative physics, and borderline scientific proposals.

Long-Duration Motion Machines — Example

A hypothetical machine uses ultra-low-friction components, cosmic background radiation harvesting, and delayed thermal equilibration to keep moving for millions of years. It never produces excess energy and slowly loses motion over astronomical timescales. Unlike a perpetual motion machine, it obeys thermodynamics but exploits environmental and probabilistic factors to extend operation far beyond conventional machines.

by AbzuInExile January 24, 2026

Long-Duration Motion Machines

The natural and artificial systems that move things across geological timescales—glaciers that carve valleys over millennia, tectonic plates that rearrange continents over eons, and human institutions that change so slowly they might as well be geological. Long-duration motion machines include the slowly shifting course of rivers, the gradual uplift of mountains, and the federal government, which moves with approximately the same speed and predictability as a continent, just with more paperwork.

Example: "She studied glaciers as long-duration motion machines, watching them inch forward year after year, carving landscapes with patience that humans cannot fathom. When her grant was delayed by government bureaucracy—another long-duration motion machine—she found the irony unbearable. The glacier, she noted, was faster."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026